Thursday, February 26, 2015

The Box

Every single one us has one. Some of us store it for long periods of time.  Some of us get ours out at different times to go through it, or perhaps, put new things in it, or maybe, if we are lucky enough, remove something from it.  Some of us carry ours with us only putting it down when it gets too heavy to carry.  And some of us carry the son of a bitch no matter how heavy it is, at all times, not matter the circumstance.


Most of us, the majority I would say, cannot see everyone else’s.  We know it’s there, or we should.  We are ignorant if we think otherwise.  Or if we think someone doesn’t have one.  We all have one.  Although one of the worst things we do as human beings is compare one another’s.  “Oh, theirs is bigger, so they can carry more stuff…or theirs is smaller so they don’t have to, or theirs they can put away they don’t have to carry it, or theirs is so nice and compartmentalized and mine is so chaotic and a mess.”  


Some people open theirs up, and it’s like a giant movie screen that projects it for the world to see…here is what is inside, I have nothing to hide.  Others have theirs wrapped up and closed so tight, they either have to start a whole new one because there is no way to get inside, or they simply just do not put any more in one.  Wouldn’t that be nice?


I am talking about boxes.  We all carry our “stuff” in boxes.  Imaginary vessels that hold all of the good, the bad, the ugly, the scary, the unknown…the hopes, the fears.  Mostly the things we don’t want to deal with, because we do not have time, we will not make time, it hurts us, it will hurt someone else…whatever the reason…maybe we are afraid to believe it.  Who knows honestly, the list is endless for why these things are in there to begin with.  Sometimes we put stuff in there to forget.  Other times it is so we DON’T forget, but rather go back to it later so we can devote the right time to it. I could write forever about the reasons we have boxes, the reasons we put things in them, and the reasons we get them out or don’t.  But the real reason that I am writing about them is that once in a blue moon, maybe even more rare than that, if you are lucky, you will be with someone who will care enough about you to let go of their hold on their box a little, to show you a little bit of what is inside of theirs.  And the reasons why they let go and are showing you are so meaningless compared to WHAT is being shown.  For instance, if they have had a couple drinks, and feel “safe” enough to tell you or share something with you that that box holds, who gives a rats ass that a few beers caused that.  Trust me a box doesn’t open with just liquid courage alone.  It takes willpower as well.


Someone I care very much about opened their box and shared something very intricate, detailed, powerful and intensely close to them.  I am forever changed.  And as corny and as ridiculous as that may sound, “They opened their box…” there was nothing corny about this.  Although I didn’t know some of the information that was shared, I wouldn’t say I was shocked or taken back, but more rather things made sense that I didn’t know didn’t make sense before.  Or that I even needed to have make sense before.  And perhaps they didn’t, because I love her unconditionally and do not judge anyone and certainly do not judge another person’s trials and tribulations. I carry a lot of shit in my own box, but I am fool to think mine weighs more or means more than someone else’s… 


I do not look at her differently because of what she shared…I think her aura has changed actually…the air around her has changed, she has not.  I do not hold her in any higher regard than I did prior; I respect her just as much now as I did before.  I just understand more.  She apologized for getting sappy and sharing and I said never apologize for being human…I love when people can be real and authentic and can honestly say; sometimes my box is too damn heavy.  And this is why.


I do not know why I needed this to happen when it did, but everything happens for a reason.  I just know that if we all stood back and realized that we were all carrying around some pretty heavy boxes, I think we would be a little kinder, a little more understanding, a little more authentic, not just to each other, but to ourselves.