Monday, March 16, 2015

Ostriches

The old saying often used when someone does not want to acknowledge something, someone, a situation, (usually a problem,) is that they are “burying their head in the sand.”  And it came from the popular belief that an ostrich would do that when they are scared or out of fear.  Interestingly though, apparently, not even ostriches are that dumb, because they can run up to 40mph, so they would not bother to actually dig a hole at all, they would just run.  However if they are unable to get away or say, they do not have the ability to make a quick getaway, they will “lay low” which resembles and appears that they may have their heads buried, so as to “blend in” with their surroundings, to fool the predator into thinking they are just a rock or shrub or some other part of the scenery.


Funny…people do this too.


I believe there are times in a person’s life when they must ask for help.  I am terrible at this, but when I needed help the most, I have asked.  There have been times when I needed help and didn’t ask and no one showed up and I got really pissed off because I thought the people that knew and cared about me most should KNOW when I was hurting, SEE when I was needing help, SENSE when I was in trouble, HEAR when I really didn’t have to say anything at all.  I mean isn’t that why we go through life strategically placing the different people we have in our lives?  People are here for reasons, for seasons, for lifetimes.  You pick out a life partner with the expectation of spending YOUR LIFE with this person.  You have certain friends you can only tell certain things to and you only do certain things with. We do not get to pick our family, but we have them, they are there, like it or not and if you are close to them then you are blessed.  My point is we should all have someone who we can truly be raw and honest and whole with. Bare bones, nitty gritty, truly naked and I don’t meant the kind without clothes.  And you should know when they need you and you should know when they don’t.  And you should know when to speak, or when to listen.  And you should not have to do certain things on your own, no matter what it is.  


A big pet peeve of mine when I know someone I care about is struggling or needs help, is when someone who I feel should be there for them says the following: “I will pray for you.” Like that exempts them and “covers” them from having to help that person in need, because guess what, it doesn’t.  If you don’t want to be there and support your friends/family through the shitty things, because you can’t or you are incapable, then own that and say that.  Say, “I am sorry; I suck as a human and cannot help you when things get tough.” Because I don’t think it is fair that you get to be there for just the good times and that is what this blog is about.


We all have boxesHeavy, heavy, boxes.  (Read previous blog.)  I don’t judge yours; you don’t judge mine, yada yada yada.  But when the box gets too heavy, and someone acknowledges that openly, and they say I am going to put this box down and I am going to do the following things to make this box easier to carry, you are a damn hypocrite if you turn your head and “bury it in the sand” or run as fast as you can because you don’t want to see them put the box down, or you don’t want to help, or you don’t like watching how hard it will be for them to let the thing go.       


Life is ugly.  Not always, but it can be.  It’s not always sunshine and rainbows.  And some really wonderful people go through some really not so wonderful stuff.  And some really strong people like to bury their head because ya know what, they have enough on their plate, or they have their own problems, or they are busy, or whatever the damn reason. And trust me when I tell you that it is very, very easy to say, screw you I got my own shit here, and I would expect that from the people who are not in my arsenal, the people who I did not recruit to form my backbone…who were not there every time the dust settles.  So if I, (or anyone,) tells you I am going to put my box down, that I need help, that I don’t want to carry it anymore, and you say I will pray for you and then you proceed to put your head in the sand, well you can damn sure bet I have an open position in the arsenal.  


Open your eyes and ears every single day.  Someone needs something from you.  I am not talking about a lunch packed or a juice box, or a Band-Aid or phone call or a couple dollars for gas.  It’s much bigger and deeper than that and if you don’t have the space for it say so and run along.  But don’t get offended if you don’t get invited to the celebration party when they conquer the demon, or beat their fears, or climb the hurdle or whatever.  Because anyone can cheer. But it takes a really special person to keep their head out of the sand.