Do You Need Anything? Anything At All...

I posted something about this last week on my Facebook page, but contrary to popular belief I was NOT kidding when I wrote it.  So it leads me to wonder how many of us actually mean what we say.  NOW…I know that I have been more than forward with how I feel about people saying what they mean, but it really is just that simple for me.  If you don’t mean something, don’t say it.  If you do say something, follow through.  To me personally, it really is that simple.  I will be the first to admit that when I am hurt, or angry, or mad, I can say a lot of hurtful things back, because I fight with words…I am not talking about hurtful words, because as I have just admitted I am a fighter with words…what I am talking about is the following statement:

“If you need anything, I mean anything at all, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

Now, let’s put this in context.  We know I fell and broke my leg and ankle.  We know I fall a lot.  We know I went to moms to spend the first 3 weeks recovering.  We know most of the really cool stuff people gave me while I was recuperating which was kind of fun; it was like having a house warming party.  AND, a lot of people said that statement above.  More than once.  It is a blanket statement that we tend to say when a tragic event of some sort happens to people and we want to reach out and help.  Partly because it makes us feel better as a human being, partly because we are being honest and sincere and partly out of not knowing what else to do but offer that.  

Eye for an Eye...

I know it is hard to believe but during my hiatus from life as I knew it, i.e. healing from surgery, I didn't read much online.  I was not online much.  I did not really watch the news...there rarely is any good news.  I read some books on my NOOK Tablet...which I was stoked to be able to do, but I really removed myself from current events as much as possible...with the exception of Ellen.

ANYWAY...today I start reading the news online again.  Guess I am feeling up to dealing with the sadness that exists outside of my little box.  This article, 2 Charged in 9 yr. old Ala. Death is the first article that I run across and am instantly reminded of why I stopped reading the news.  Or watching it.  Or listening to it.

I will let you read it for yourself and form your own opinion about the situation, but when I read it outloud to Sister, she said, they should make the Grandma run for 3 hours and see how she does.  Which brought to my attention, the philosophy, eye for an eye.  Now...this theory or opinion or feeling, is very specific to every individual...and I am sure that I could write a whole blog on the death penalty alone...but it more or less made me wonder what my readers thoughts about the situation.  Really?  We can put them in jail for theoretically murdering this child, and feed them and educate them and so on and so forth, but what does that solve?  There are certain situations that I absolutely believe an eye for eye is the way to go.  Go back to the old days before the laws started protecting the criminals more than the people who were harmed.  I don't know that I feel that way about all situations but in this particular case, yes, I would like the Grandmother and the Step-Mother (where the hell is the mother anyway?) to run for 3 straight hours and then see how they feel.  Unfortunately, they would probably survive and it would solve nothing, but this article not only makes me really angry at these people and our system, but it angers me more that there are people with perfectly healthy children, who should never be allowed to have children.  And there are people who are doing everything they humanly can to have children and can't because for whatever reason, they aren't supposed to.  Infuriates me actually. 

So you tell me...eye for an eye?  How do you feel about this? 

Sophia Grace & Rosie

I don’t typically do “shout outs” unless something is a really big deal. Or put something on my own Blog to promote unless I really love it… (See Adele, RumChata, certainsongs, etc.) So with that being said Iam giving a big shout out to two little girls who got me through some pretty rough days.

At Casa de Mama’s (my momma’s) recovery center we watched, without fail, Ellen, every single day. Everyone should watch her. She is good stuff. In a day and age when you turn on the TV and see nothing but bad, sad news, she is truly a bright spot and creates a lot of happiness in what she does.

One day I went to lay down right about the time Ellen wascoming on, I know…shame on me. I could hear parts of it but could not see it. Mom and Terry were cracking up over these two little girls, I had no idea what they were doing, I missed it, but they loved them. Then I saw something on my friend Julia Roberts Ramirez Burke’s FB page about becoming a fan of Sophia Grace. Ok, I’m thinking now I have to check this girl out because I love Julia and she loves Sophia and I will do whatever Julia says. Not really, but she will get a kick out of that.

So I became a fan on Facebook, then proceeded to do a search on YouTube and finally got caught up on my newest obsession, two little people from jolly ole’ England!

I don’t really need to give them much introduction, you just have to watch and see, but I have included my favorite videos from the Ellenshow…so please feel free to watch the remainder of their videos at your leisure.

Before I go, a HUGE, very SPECIAL THANK YOU to Sophia Grace and Rosie for making my recovery period a little bit easier to deal with. When I needed to laugh, I put their video on. When I needed to smile, I turned their videos on. I sincerely hope that the stupid media and fame and all that comes with it do not ruin the innocence of these two beautiful little people. I wish them the best of luck in their future endeavors and I hope they remain the best of friends! This is kind of a big deal, but I have added meeting them to my "bucket list." I know...I said it was kind of a big deal.

The Tender Bar

I cannot take credit for the title as it really is the title of a book I read many many moons ago, but I loved it so much that I went out and bought a bar.  That is so not true.  Not even close.  I have always loved bars.  Always thought I wanted to own one.  One of my BFF's and I had discussed going into business together for several years when I lived in Minnesota...what a pipe dream that was.  The truth is I bought a bar because some man named Gary said I would never make it work.  I had to prove him wrong.  I think I did.

Okay, so it turned out to really happen.  And it was the hardest things I have ever ever done.  For various reasons.  Because it was in Maquon, because I was me, because no one had done well in it for a long time, because it had a bad reputation, because my family would be helping...endless this list is.

I have been blogging for a long time and have never really typed about it.  Any part of it really.  I suppose Freud could find lots of reasons for why I haven't written about it, but who really cares, I am now.

What most people don't know is what happened BEFORE the bar ever opened.  How many years it was discussed with me and many others about my desire to do run my own.  How badly I wanted food and the kitchen to be the spotlight.  How many countless hours I sat on Angie and Ernie's deck going over the Pro's and Con's.  I did not want it being called a Gay Bar...(funny it was sometimes,) I don't want people thinking I was given money to do this (whatever money I borrowed I paid back and AM STILL PAYING BACK,) I want it's success or failure to ride solely on me (and it did,) and the list goes on.  Countless hours.  Who's going to help me, etc. etc.

The Truth Is...

Wow...it's been a long time since I have written my Blog.  The truth is, as normal, I only think of things I want to say or write about when I am laying in bed and can't sleep.

The other truth is I don't feel good.  I didn't want to blog about how rotten I feel or to be so transparent in my writing that everyone would see how depressed I have been.  And I have been.  And yes, I am taking meds to help with that.  Pain pills of any kind make me not a very nice person.  I don't enjoy taking them I don't enjoy needing to take them, but sometimes we find we have no other choice.

The days are going by quickly and yet standing still, if that makes any sense.  I have no recollection of how much time has passed and yet I know it is the middle of February.  It was a year ago almost exactly that I was having a neuroma removed from the same foot I just had operated on.  Small world.  Or whatever you want to call it.

My care takers are doing a great job.  It was a little shady early when I was receiving all my get well cards and they were just getting bills but those have since disappeared so they stopped bugging me about that.

I didn't imagine my trip to Mom's would be over 3 weeks long but it has been.  The truth is, I am walking without a cane but I look like a robot when walking.  It's easier with a cane and I still can't do steps.  I do not have any patience as I am sure I have mentioned once or twice before so this is killing me a little bit.  The truth is, a lot.  Their house is very small and I do have my privacy if I want to sit in the spare room all day but somehow I feel like I am intruding.  I haven't technically missed my real home yet because maneuverability around that house is not as easy as this one.  I feel out of place though and it wouldn't be the first time in 39 years.

Under The Tuscan Sun...

Any arbitrary turning along the way and I would be else ware; I would be different...

One of my favorite movies, Under The Tuscan Sun, had probably one of the most profound messages ever, but I doubt very many people caught it.  They were probably too busy admiring the scenery or wishing they too could go on vacation and never come home and just buy a home in Italy.  I have went on many trips where I wished I had never returned, but alas, my financial situation has never allowed such a thing to happen.

When she arrives in Italy, at some point, the realtor asks her what she wants to experience in her new home.  What does she hope to get out of this major change in her life.  She says things like, she wants a wedding, a family, love to grow etc.  At the end of the movie, she gets all these things.  They just aren't for her personally.

For several weeks I have asked God to give me a break.  I was stressed out at work.  I was stressed out with my sister (its hard to work so close to a sibling, I don't care who you are). I was stressed out living with Dad.  I was stressed out that I have to work pay check to pay check just to pay for choices I made what seems like eons ago.  I was stressed out that my dog has epilepsy.  I was MAJORLY stressed out that I had been faithfully exercising and eating better for almost 4 weeks and not feeling much of a change.  Frankly, I had it.  I needed a damn break.  A getaway.  A reprieve.  SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.

Never was a good ice skater...

I have a small window of opportunity and there will most likely be lots of errors but I wanted to give you a blog before some of you gave up on me.  I think I can sit up long enough to blog now so, hopefully I won't get too  far behind.

As many of you already know, I had a fairly serious accident Saturday night, technically Sunday morning.  Alcohol was not the cause of this one, although everyone that cared about me assumed so.  I called the ambulance myself, it has been several years since I had ridden in the back of one...they have come a long ways!

I can make this a really long story but I don't have the energy so here goes.  I got home Saturday night and was was walking to the door when I slipped on a patch of ice.  I think there were only two patches in all of Knox County.  Our motion lights on the garage didn't come on or I would have seen it as it was for sure the size of a small pond...a fish pond perhaps, but a pond nonetheless.  In my vain attempt to save myself, I managed to break my tibia and both sides of my ankle, also dislocating my ankle in the process.  Surgery was imminent. 

The ER visit was quite painful and I even got administered some propofol so that I would never remember the pain they were going to cause  me by "setting" it in place for the surgeon to operate in the morning.

I remember everything but that, I even remember when it broke.  I felt and heard my leg snap and my body went one way, my foot the other.  It was approximately 20 minutes before help arrived and I was on icy concrete so I have had better Saturday nights.