I am a little behind here, so I apologize and I shall catch
up.
If I had a time machine, where would I go, backwards or
forwards? To what moment? I made rules on this one. I said that you could not go back and change
an event. Because doing so, ultimately
would change the entire outcome of your life thus far. All moments, big or small, happy or sad,
short or long lasting…form us into the people we are. With that being said, there is no mystery
that I would have went back to the day that I broke my back and I would have
NEVER gotten in that boat. Honest to
God, the last thing I remember thinking before I got in that boat was, damn
your legs look amazing in this wetsuit.
Seriously. I was in that good of
shape. Anyway, since that was NOT allowed,
I have to pick, one moment, forward or backward.
It would not be in the future. As much as I would love to see where I am in
10 years, there is something incredibly mysterious, in a good way about where I
am going. Kind of like if I was to ever
have a child. Meaning physically carry
one. I would NOT want to know the
sex. There are very little surprises in
life anymore. That would need to one of
them. So, I can’t go back and change
that day, and I won’t go forward because it will ruin the incredible surprise
that is my life…SOOOOOOOOO, that means I have to go back to some moment in the
past. Obviously not to change it, but
perhaps to have said more, or done more, or less.
Ok…here goes. I can
only remember one moment, in the last at least 15 years that I did not stand up
for myself. One time. I think I was in so much shock that I couldn’t
react. I will not go into what happened
or who it happened with, or why. But I
think about that moment often and wish I had handled it differently. I walked away. Without a fight. Without a word. I couldn’t wrap my hands around someone
saying the things they were saying OR that the person I cared more about in the
world was allowing them to be said. In
hindsight, it should have been when I realized that God was de-touring my
current path and that he was doing so as a favor, not to hurt me, but it sure
didn’t feel that way at the time. I was
so angry and so hurt, that I had no words.
Now that I can look back, maybe it was a blessing that I didn’t go off…maybe
I have a filter, and it is used when necessary.
But to this day, I would like to say to the people who did what they
did, that I feel bad for them. That
their mere existence on this planet must be a constant struggle for them when
they have to walk around and be so hateful to other human beings. Stones…glass houses…you get the idea. I was treated like a sub human being that
night. And I will never forget it and
although I would not wish to return to that moment for anything in the world, I
do wish I could go back and say the things I really felt. It would not change the outcome, but I will
have known that I didn’t just walk away like the beaten down human being that I
was…that I actually defended myself…
Lastly, what is RIGHT in the world? If you had to sit right down and think about
it, it appears to be easier to list all the things that are wrong. Like technology. As far as it has come, it has its pros and
cons. Bullying is at an all time high,
because even though it has always existed, technology has made it so kids are accessible
24 hours a day.
Interestingly enough, another friend picked my answer for
this. Good job Jenell! In my EYES.
The only thing RIGHT in this world is the innocence of a child. Life, through a child’s eyes. Before it has to see hurtful things, hear hurtful
things, experience hurtful things.
Children don’t judge. They are
taught to do that. It is a learned behavior. We are all the same, until someone points out
our differences and until someone makes you form an opinion about those differences. I wish all children were allowed to grow up
in loving, nurturing environments where they are taught that it is okay to feel
what you feel. Believe in what you
believe. Unfortunately, that’s not the
way it is.
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