A Letter to my Mom...

Dear Mom-

You know I am never at a loss for words.  Sometimes when we are out in public, I just sit back and watch you interact with people and know that I definitely get that from you.  You do not know a stranger.  One of the things I love most about you.

In just a few weeks I will have been back in Illinois going on 10 years.  It just doesn’t seem possible.  I don’t think it is any secret that even though I was miserable with my employers at the time, that I moved back to Illinois to “help” take care of you.  In some aspects, I feel like I have helped “raise” you and I don’t mean that in the sense like you raised me.  Let me explain…

You stopped in to work yesterday and your spirit was gone.  The one you have tried so hard to get back.  The one that YOU CONTROL.  No one else can take that away from you. 

There are so many things that I love about you it would take days to list them all, but there are also things that I don’t love and the reason that I don’t love them is because I can see myself doing the same things and frankly I don’t want any human being or thing to ever cause me so much distress.

Right now at this very moment, although you are probably the happiest I have ever seen you, you are also probably in the worst shape physically.  I know what the problem is.  You know what the problem is.  It frustrates the hell out of me that you let it control so much of your life.  I am not here to preach, I am not good at that anyway.  I am simply here to remind you of a few things.

She was just a little gull a minute ago...

A year ago this weekend I left for a Hawaiian adventure that was supposed to last at the minimum 5 months.  Well, we all know how that turned out.  It is quite funny how fast a year goes isn’t it?  I think it gets worse as a person gets older too.  Blink and its gone.  So easy to say make the most of your time because it goes by so fast, but really it does.

I went to my oldest niece’s basketball game last night and recalled how many years ago it was me out on that floor.  I can tell you right now they have much more comfortable uniforms then we did.  Perhaps I would have been more competition with Sister had I actually been in a uniform that didn’t ride up my butt.  Now, however, the girls complain because they are too long and baggy.  No happy mediums I guess.

I am extremely proud of her.  She is doing remarkably well considering she didn’t play her freshman and sophomore years.  She can dribble the ball better than her mother that is for sure.  I sat there and a variety of things came to mind…in a rush, sort of like a wave.  Get ready for a seriously bad run-on sentence…because this is pretty much how the thoughts scrambled through my brain…

Dear God, my back hurts, oh I hope Angie is here, (paying to get in, I could hear Angie yelling), good Angie is here, it is so much fun to watch a game with her, although she hits hard, I have to sit a little ways from her so she doesn’t have such easy access, oh wow, Belle’s hair is cute tonight, I wonder if her boyfriend is here and if he is I hope he behaves because not only am not a fan of personal issues affecting an athlete’s ability to play, but she is at that age where boys (well this one) is all that matters, so dear God, boyfriend, just sit down and watch the game like the polite young gentleman I know you are, oh my God, her boyfriend is the loudest kid in the gym, perhaps this is why she likes him, he is quite outgoing, oh my God these bleachers are hard, I sure am glad I wore my Champion warm-up pants so I could slide all over the really old wooden bleachers and practically fall off, Oh good, Emily and the girls came, Ashlyn loves me, why do kids love me, I will never know, good lord they want something to drink and Emily won’t let them have any more to drink, do you guys have cooties, cause if you don’t, you can share my water, Ashlyn asks me if she can play up above the stands, sure, why not, you aren’t my child, Emily says no, but I GET THE PUPPY DOG EYES, why not Tiffany?, well my first guess is that I am not your mom and your mom just said no, man I miss coaching, I should coach again, I would be a good coach, no maybe I wouldn’t, I don’t have any patience, what happened to my patience?, I used to have some, didn’t I?, Emily says, yes, you should coach again, oh I just don’t know if I would be very good at it, Bella runs funny, why does she run funny?, she is fast, but she has this elbow flapping thing going on, which I guess is good, as it looks like she is in automatic “throw the elbow” mode, man, she is a way better dribbler than her mom, I think her mom really misses playing, one trip down and back and I would probably have a heart-attack, man I need to work out, like tonight, when I get home, hell no, it will be 10:00PM, I just want to go to bed, actually I need a muscle relaxer…I will get up early in the morning and work out, yeah, probably not then either, I need to dig out my reebok slide, I loved that thing, I need to do some yoga too, I really need a chiropractor and a massage, ooh a day at the spa, sister has two that she still has not used, who does that?, wow we are getting creamed, why isn’t Freeman yelling like he used to yell at us?, maybe he is too tired to care anymore, they have so much potential, why are they acting like they don’t, maybe I need to yell, I don’t think that will help, I think it will just piss Bella off, uggh, 25 points behind, let us pray this gets over real soon like, this is brutal, I better stand up, I am losing feeling in my appendages, oh thank God it is over, where the hell is Bella, oh boy there is her boy squirrel, politely waiting on her, hey how are you?  Good how are you?, I am great thank you, really I am tired and my back hurts, but I don’t need to bore him with that, oh my gosh Bella, for the love, oh good there she is, oh gosh, she has to go love on him, this is gross, she was just 2 years old in the hospital with Salmonella, now she has a boyfriend who is delaying my butt getting in bed on a school night at a decent time, someone needs to tell her I don’t wait for boys, oh my hell, when did she become a young woman, I have been home almost 10 years, I said I was going to be home 6 months max, what the sam hell has happened to me, this is going to be the longest ride home ever, I feel like I am in another state, we still have to stop and get her car, oh thank God we are on our way home, you know boys have cooties right Bella?, no, I am not the only one that thinks this, I am glad Justin likes me but you don’t need to be so “in love” at your age, are we home yet, oh thank God, please don’t be on your phone while you are driving its dangerous, it only takes a split second, no I am not your mother, but I may as well be, ok goodnight, hi Brodie, did you miss your mommy, your mommy missed you, I hate not seeing you all day, your mommy needs some drugs, stat, oh dear God I know you want to play, why can’t your Papa play with you, sleepy, why am I so sleepy, oh yeah, took a muscle relaxer, man this feels nice, to relax, too bad I had to have a pill, goodnight world.

More like a tsunami rather than a wave of thoughts eh?

Jesus, there is something in my contacts

Me: Good Morning to my favorite little people!  How are we today?  Dalton/Kolbie: Fine.  Me: How was your weekend?  Dalton: Awesome.  Me: Why? Did something fun happen?  Did you get a new game? Did you stay up for 3 days straight without sleeping?  Kolbie: I got a new phone.  Me: What?  Why?  When? Speaking of, your birthday is coming up; Grandma Rita needs to know what you want.  She says when she asks you that you just tell her nothing because your parents are buying you everything you want?  Kolbie:  Well they are.  Me: What could you possibly need, you have everything.  What could either of you want? 

Me: Dalton James, it is after Thanksgiving, we can sing Christmas Carols now!  Kolbie: Please don’t.  Me: You guys are so not fun.  Dalton: Jesus didn’t believe in himself.  Me:  Huh?  What are you talking about?  Dalton: Like we all believe in him, it is people’s religions.  Me: Well if Jesus didn’t believe in himself who did? Dalton: Lots of people duh, I mean he didn’t pray to himself.  Kolbie:  Dalton, you don’t know that, were you there?  You don’t even go to Church.  Dalton: No Kolbie are you stupid, you weren’t there either.  Jesus went to Church to pray for himself?  I don’t think so.  Me: Why are we talking about this?  Dalton: He was a Jew anyway.  And it doesn’t mean the same thing like it did back then.  Me: I just wanted to sing Christmas Carols, how did we arrive at Jesus not praying to himself?  Dalton:  Aunt Tiff is my eye red?  Me: Uh, yeah, it sure is.  Dalton: I have to go home.  Me: Right now, we are almost to school for the love?  Dalton: Yeah, my contact case is at home and I have nowhere to put my contact if I take it out.  Me: Oh Dear God, let’s get a cup and put it in some water.  Dalton: I don’t have a cup.  Me: WE WILL FIND ONE.  Maybe Aunt Dee Dee hasn’t left home yet; she can run by your house and get your glasses and case.  Dalton: Can’t you just call my mom?  Me: Sure, here.  I will walk you in to the school and we will wait for Aunt Dee Dee in the office.  Dalton: I am not allowed to walk into the school using that door.  Me: Oh my hell, if you go in with me and we tell Deb you are having a crisis, it will be ok.  Here, we will use the cup my broken ring is in.  It’s a pee cup, but it’s never been pee’d in, so it will be fine.  Dalton: I am not carrying that into school.  Me: Fine, let’s go, I will carry it. 

Walking to sidewalk…Dalton: Aunt Tiff, it doesn’t hurt anymore.  Me: Are you serious?  Well now what, Aunt Dee Dee is on her way with your stuff.  Dalton: Yeah, I don’t need it anymore.  It’s fine.  See you later.  Me: Standing there watching them walk into the school…wondering what the sam hell just happened.  

I will pass on the pie, thanks...

Well, it is almost here…that day so many of us wait for…the day where no one can tell you how much you can eat…or complain when you have a piece of each of the pies that are available. 

We all know Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday but besides all the reasons that I have stated in previous blogs, one of my biggest Thanksgiving pet peeves just happens to be the damn pies.  Why is this the only holiday that Pie has center stage?  I don’t know what kind of pies you have at your Thanksgiving dinner, but we have Pumpkin.  And a Pumpkin.  Perhaps another Pumpkin.  And maybe a Pecan.  Ooooh, or how about an Apple Pie?  OH MY HELL!  REALLY?  What is wrong with a Banana Cream, or a Peach, or a Peanut Butter?  Nothing is wrong with them, but no one wants to bring one.

Mother is bringing four tomorrow.  FOUR PIES.  Ok, so maybe that does not seem like a lot of pie, but she is bringing 2 Pumpkin, 1 Apple and 1 Chocolate Cream.  I guess if I want a certain pie, I should bring a certain pie.  I was not asked to bring pie.  I was asked to bring Moscato, not pie.  Moscato, so everyone can be drunk before they eat.   

The pie is the least of my concern at Thanksgiving dinner.  I would much rather overload on the carbohydrates that make up the dinner.  My other pet peeve is that we do not have Green Bean Casserole.  YES, I KNOW I CAN MAKE SOME AND BRING IT…however, if you are reading this, you know my responsibility is the liquor.  It kind of defeats the purpose of giving me a task if I have to bring my own pie, my own casserole, etc.  I may as well have my own dinner?  I like having Ham at Thanksgiving too.  Should I bring a Ham because I like it and no one else brings one? 

I guess I don’t know what proper etiquette is.  Trust me, I am grateful that we have all the food that we have, as I know some people don’t and it makes me feel bad when I have issues with the pie, and no casserole and no ham, so don’t worry, I check myself and get a grip and thank the Lord and Baby Jesus for the bounty we do enjoy. 

I will get over it.  I always do.  And basically I just forget about the whole pie thing until next year.  

Feel free to share your Thanksgiving favorites or Pet Peeves...you know you have one or two!

Rise

Once in awhile you hear a song, at the right moment, just when you needed to hear it the most.  Beautiful song and I will...Rise.  Click on Rise below to have a listen for yourself.

Rise


Such is the way of the world
You can never know
Just where to put all your faith
And how will it grow

Gonna rise up
Burning back holes in dark memories
Gonna rise up
Turning mistakes into gold

Such is the passage of time
Too fast to fold
And suddenly swallowed by signs
Low and behold

Gonna rise up
Find my direction magnetically
Gonna rise up
Throw down my ace in the hole

Be Thankful...

This is the time of year that Facebook is full of daily status updates about things people are thankful for.  Don’t get me wrong, it is great and I love hearing them.  I personally think Thanksgiving is a lot like Valentine’s Day though, and we should be thankful all year round, not just on or around the day named so accordingly.  Just like when you love someone, most days should be Valentines.  However, this is probably why I do not work for Hallmark.  I’ve never actually applied to work for Hallmark, but I am guessing I would epically fail that part of the interview. 

I am thankful for a lot of things.  If I did a countdown of things I am thankful for up until Thanksgiving you would get your standard list of things that most of us are thankful for…our health, our family, our jobs, food to eat, roof over our head etc.  And I am very grateful and thankful for all of those things.  I probably thank God for them more than most people realize.  But if you want me to be truly honest with you about what I am most thankful for, here is my list.  I am guessing most of you will not find these surprising.  Some of them may come across as harsh.  I am only being honest. 

I am thankful for:

• Hot water…I cannot imagine not having any.  Seriously.  
• Choosing Brodie at a time in my life when it was probably not a good idea to get another dog.  With him I am never alone.
• That God gave me a “child” with special needs so that I could understand the struggles those with human children go through.
• That God decided a long time ago that I should not be a parent to a human child.  I will never know the reasons exactly, but I am confident he knows what he is doing.  I don’t care who you are or what your job is, the hardest thing in the world to be is a parent and I don’t think I am cut out for it.
• That I am not in a wheelchair after my accident.  Not only should I be dead, but at the very least, I should have never walked again.
• That I have the ability to express myself using words.  A lot of people cannot show emotion, physically, mentally or emotionally.  I don’t think that I was put on this earth to be the voice for other people, but I do feel it is why I have earned respect from people.  I truly am thankful for being able to express myself because I cannot imagine living in a world where that would be difficult.
• Pretty amazing friends.  I have lifelong friends whom I do not have to be around every day for us to be able to pick up where we left off.  High school friends who I can sit down with and go back as if it was yesterday.  I have friends whom have become more like family to me than some of my own family.  If you are lucky enough to have a friend or two who will do anything for you, you have lived a pretty remarkable life.
• My college degree.  It was not an easy thing for me to obtain.  I struggled but when I set my mind to something, I can accomplish anything.  Some of the best years of my life were spent utilizing that very degree.  
• My parent’s happiness.  Their divorce should have happened a very long time ago.  Life is entirely too short to spend it in a miserable situation, I do not care what that situation is.  There is something incredibly profound you, as a child feel when you witness true happiness in someone you love.  
• Last but not least, I am thankful for unanswered prayers.  That is something that has taken me a very, very long time to grasp.  You can’t always get what you want.  But if you try sometimes, you just might get what you need.  I have spent a lot of my life wishing I had someone to share my life with.  I have recently learned that another human being cannot validate you.  As much as someone tells you this, you have to learn it yourself.  Only you can validate yourself.  I am pretty confident now that the reason I had to go through all of the “wrong” people was because the “right” one will be worth it.  I have to believe that.  I have to believe in something.  I refuse to believe that God wants me to be alone.  Obviously, one of us is not ready…because I am still alone.  But it is ok.  My 39^th Thanksgiving to be thankful for myself.

I am not perfect.  Far from it.  Don’t claim to be.  I am extremely thankful that I am flawed and imperfect.  That I make mistakes and bad choices.  That I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, even when it continues to hurt me. 

I am really, really thankful that I am who I am.  I wouldn’t want me any other way.

Hypocrite, hypocrisy, hypocritical...

Hypocrisy…is defined as the state of pretending to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy involves the deception of others and is thus a kind of lie.  The art of not practicing what you preach.  Some people are so very good at this.  A hypocrite is someone who practices hypocrisy. 

Since I am not a big fan of liars, one can imagine where a hypocrite might fall on my scale of “people I have problems being around.”

At times I have the capacity to deal with this more than other times.  Could be that the moon and stars are not aligning correctly or something but honestly, some days I can just look at a person and shake my head and think “how do you function?” 

We all have met a hypocrite or two.  We all know one or two who exist in our day to day lives.  How do you deal with them?  Yes, you, I am asking how you deal with a person who literally says one thing and then does the polar opposite.  I think not unlike compulsive liars, these people do not even really know they are being hypocrites, or hypocritical.  All I know for sure is that I love the word.  I love using the word.  I love calling someone a hypocrite and don’t use the term lightly, so I don’t just randomly throw it out willy nilly so it loses its meaning.  If I call you one, I really feel that you are. 

If I have personally been a hypocrite it has been unintentional and I apologize to anyone who has felt that I was.  It is one of my least favorite qualities about a person.  Kind of like respect, if I have none for someone, I never will.  If I think you are a hypocrite, I most likely always will.  Perhaps that is hypocritical of me.

    

A caroling we will go, or not...

Me: GOOD MORNING LITTLE PEOPLE, I think we should listen to Christmas songs on the way to school.  Kolbie:  Dumb.  Dalton: Uh, Aunt Tiff, it is not even Thanksgiving.  Me: Dalton, do you realize it will be a week from tomorrow?  Dalton:  So?  That means it is still not Thanksgiving today.  Me:  Uggh, why does no one want to share in my Christmas spirit?  Dalton: Probably because it is not Christmas.  Me: Well, I am going to scan the radio until I find a station playing it.  If I don’t find one I am stopping the car and we are not moving until we do.  And we all know who in this car does not like to get to school late.  I would hate for you to have to tell your teachers it was because Aunt Tiff made you sing Christmas songs…on the side of the road.  Dalton:  Especially since it’s not even Christmas. 

(Several minutes later as the radio is scanning…) Me:  OH MY HELL, NO ONE IS PLAYING CHRISTMAS MUSIC.  Kolbie: OH that song that was just on is on my Just Dance game.  I want the new Just Dance game for Christmas.  Me: This has nothing to do with Christmas music, but tell Grandma Rita, she needs Christmas ideas.  Dalton: BECAUSE IT IS NOT CHRISTMAS, IT IS NOT EVEN THANKSGIVING.  Me: I know DALTON, but do you hear any Thanksgiving music?  There is no such thing, it doesn’t even exist.  Dalton: Probably because who the hell would listen to that shit?  Me: Oh my hell…  Dalton: If you put all the songs that we are only getting to hear part of though, it would make a cool rock song.

Me(Pulling into school):  That’s it, radio is going off.  This is totally bogus.  I will simply sing.  “Deck the Halls with boughs of holly fa la la la la la la la la!" Kolbie:  DALTON GET US OUT OF HERE NOW!

They will sing before Christmas, or I will not even leave the driveway.

No goodbyes or I love you today.    L

Things We Forget

I love this website, and think we could all use these little reminders !

Time traveling pants...

I have never had a job where I really have had to dress up.  I have been very fortunate in that respect, if you ask me.  My very first job was at an Ice Cream shop, so you never wore good clothes, since you would pretty much be wearing everything you made.  I had a job in college, again wear crappy clothes, it was in the warehouse.  My internship required me to wear khakis…how sweet is that?  My first real job ever I got to wear a warm-up suit.  Track suit.  Gym pants.  Whatever you want to call them, I looked like a coach.  And I loved it.  How comfortable to be in that ALL DAY LONG.  I rarely wore real clothes.  My next job I had to go back to looking somewhat professional as I was the Executive Director.  Back to khakis we go.  I got to wear polo’s and button downs with our logo on them though, so I really only had to alternate a few pairs of pants.  I have had it pretty rough. 

After I moved back to Illinois I got a job that let me wear jeans and hoodies to work every day.  Then I started my own business where I was in a kitchen about 12 hours a day, and I ruined a tremendous amount of clothes with grease.   THEN, I went on a cruise ship and was required to wear a skirt and pantyhose every day to work until my legs broke out into horrible rashes and they gave me a doctor’s note to wear pants.  There is nothing funny about my legs revolting against the panty hose.  Well, really it is funny.  I mean even my body knows it is not supposed to be wearing certain clothes.  Despite having to wear those God awful constricting things, it was nice to never have to worry about what to wear to work.  You got three of the same outfits to rotate throughout seven days. Then I returned back to my previous job before I bought the bar and all is right with the world again as far as my “work clothes” were concerned. 

I am sorry, but people who dress in comfortable clothes are way more productive.  They were before Facebook anyway.  But many moons ago actual studies were done to prove this theory.  People in offices lived for casual Fridays…who wouldn’t, I think some still do.  Every day was casual day for me.  I am not sure that I could dress up every single day.  Like real dress clothes.  I think it would utterly drive me insane.

I go back.  Kenny Chesney wrote a song about it once I think, titled just that.  You see something, you hear something, or perhaps you smell something.  And you go back, to a certain place, person or time.  

Sometimes it is a fun happy trip back, sometimes it is not.  Unfortunately we rarely remember the happy moments.  The sad ones seem to stick more…which in and of itself is sad.    

I recently just purchased my first pair of warm-up pants since probably before 2000.  I had no need to wear them.  I had a pair that I wore when riding my wheeler and what not, but I somehow lost them when I sold my 4-wheeler.  Perhaps someone is riding around on their wheeler with some sweet Adidas warm-up pants. 

 

When I put these pants on, I instantly went back.  To a time and a place that feels like a million miles away now.  I instantly was a Personal Trainer again, an aerobics instructor, etc.  You sure as hell would not know that that life existed by looking at me now.  That wasn’t the point though; it was the emotions these pants evoked.  I mean I have my favorite pair of jeans, that my mother no longer allows me to wear, and my favorite hoodie, etc.  It is not the same thing.  These pants, took me way back.  I have had music take me back, a place, a person, a smell, a taste…but never a pair of pants.

 It is a fun little journey I go on when I do wear them.  However I need a couple other colors and now they are the only things I want to wear.  That could be a problem.

You tend your garden, I will worry about mine

Coming from the person who has vowed to put Christmas back in the hearts of those who are missing it; this is probably not going to be one of my more “positive” blogs.

It is impossible to have a “good” day every single day and if you do, well, I want whatever you are taking, because I personally do not live in that kind of world.  I admittedly was a more “cup half full” person many moons ago, in my other life.  Maybe getting older changes you.  Maybe making sacrifices changes you.  Maybe sometimes you just open your eyes and you realize, wow, the world isn’t as positive a place as I always made it out to be.  I really do not know which the better way to live…is with your blinders on or in reality?  And then you have those that will tell you reality is what you make it.  Really?  Reality is simply what it really is.  I suppose how you DEAL with reality is the key.

I had one of those weekends that had its moments of highs and lows.  However, it was also one of those weekends where I felt like by just simply breathing, I pissed people off.  So I did something I don’t normally do and I just disappeared.  I really don’t enjoy nor do I appreciate having to explain myself to anyone.  Occasionally I have to do it with my family, which most of the times aren’t necessary either, but somehow they feel obligated to make me explain myself.

If I have said it once I have said it more times than I can count.  Right now, where I live and what I do does not affect anyone.  And what I mean is that I am not costing anyone else any money.  No one else has to sleep with me.  And above all I am NOT, contrary to popular belief, affecting anyone else’s family.  But apparently I was and didn’t even know it.

I would venture a guess that most people, even friends, would be amazed at how I wake up every single day.  It is quite possible that I make things harder for myself than I need to.  People do know that though, so I am always so stunned when some of them make it a point to purposely make things harder for me. 

11-11-11

Today is kind of an important day in history.  We will not see this actual date for another hundred years.  I am not huge into astrology or numbers, well maybe, depends on the situation.  I don’t spend a lot of time and energy on it I should say.  But the mystical properties that surround this day are pretty interesting to say the very least.    I have included a link below that I think you may find interesting about all these elevens. 

Luck Be Eleven

I will tell you that I don’t think the world is going to end on 12-12-12, (which is the last time the date will be the same across the board until the next century.)  I know the Mayan calendar ends then but don’t you think they just got tired and stopped on a fun number?  I mean honestly, could the Mayans even imagine the year 2012?  There is no way they could have imagined the kind of world we currently live in.  20 years ago, the year 2000 anything seemed implausible, imagine all those catrabillion years ago.  That is not really a word, I made it up, but I love it.  I do though, I think they were all sitting around their little tablet or the big rock or whatever they built this calendar with and the guy carving said, “That’s it, I am done.  My hand hurts and this seems as good a number as any to stop on.  If those fools are still around then, let them carve a billion year calendar out of rock.”  I highly doubt he said, “Oh it will be so easy for them to just make one giant spreadsheet with Excel, send it to their IPhone and mass text it to all the calendar printing presses that are sure to be developed by then.”

Nothing really exciting has happened to me yet today, but the day is still young, so who knows.  I am hopeful that 11-11-11 becomes a day I will never forget but who knows.  I seem to only remember sad dates, so I am hoping to turn that around! 

Since this is such a lucky day and all, I shall just cross my fingers!  ; )  

Not my favorite Holiday...

I am thankful, for a lot of things.  And when it gets closer to Thanksgiving I will tell you all of those things that I am thankful for.  But for now, I will simply tell you why Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday.

It is not because I hate Turkey, I love Turkey.  It is not because I don’t like tryptophan, because seriously there are foods you eat every day that have way more in it than turkey.  Cheddar cheese, parmesan cheese, egg whites…It is not because I have any issue with the standard meal prepared at Thanksgiving.  I enjoy all of it.  Turkey, stuffing, cranberries, mashed potatoes, (there is never green bean casserole at mine, which is totally bogus, and I know it will be said that I can bring some if I want it that bad,) macaroni and corn casserole, or homemade mac & cheese, carrot casserole, rolls, sweet potatoes (yuck,) Pecan or Pumpkin pies (yuck.)  It has nothing at all to do with the food.  Although I will say I think we eat it way too fast. 

It is not because I hate that after dinner we all sit around and flounder on the floor while going around the room and telling the rest of the family what we are Thankful for this past year.   That is nice.  But really we are all pretty much Thankful for the same thing…to be together.

It is not because I have an aversion to holidays in November or anything else of the sort.  But there are two reasons I dislike Thanksgiving.

Do you hear what I hear?

So, over a week ago, Sister and I went to Wal-Mart for groceries.  We were way out of the mood by the time we actually got there and in all honesty Sister never was in the mood.  So of course all I wanted was to get my cart and skeedadle away from her.

Not a fan of the place, but let’s be honest…where else can you do your all at once shopping.  My issue is that I rarely need the middle of the store.  I need dog treats and grocery.  And they are literally on complete opposite sides of the store from one another.  I am not kidding when I say the Dingo bones that Brodie HAS TO HAVE are in the farthest right corner of the store (that is still the store and not the auto service center or the seasonal area.) 

Needless to say, when I came in I heard a child screaming…I mean screaming.  Not a whimpering cry because he didn’t get a toy, a solid blood curdling scream, sob, whatever.  This child was somewhere in the store and I thought to myself, thank God he/she is not right next to me.  I can’t handle screaming kids.  Let me define that better.  Kids cry, kids get sick, kids get hurt, kids get their feelings hurt, kids get mad at their parents, kids throw tantrums and so on.  I am not talking about that.  I am talking about a kid having a Class 5 meltdown, who for whatever reason happens to be with a parent who simply is ignoring them. 

Mind you, as I go about my shopping, I continue to hear him.  And no, I do not know what is making him cry, I could only imagine.  Please continue to keep in mind that this is not a child who is simply crying.  This is a child who is screaming like someone is beating it.

They're Bacccckkkkkkkk!

Dalton: Aunt Tiff, uh, yeah, generally when it is pouring down rain and you are picking someone up you should not have your doors locked.  Me: Uh, yeah, didn’t know they were sorry, I swear you will not melt. 

Me: Good morning favorite young people, how are we today?  Dalton/Kolbie in Unison: FINE.  Me: If you could ask a phone any question in the world, what you would ask it?  Dalton: You really have to ask?  Kolbie:  You got your IPhone didn’t you?  Me: I did, and I love it.  No one is getting a Christmas present this year because I had to spend all my money on myself.  SILENCE.  Me: Seriously, though, what would you ask it?  SILENCE.  Kolbie: Ask it if its butt is smelly.  Dalton: Kolbie, Jesus.  Me: That is the one question you would ask it?  Kolbie:  Ok, ask it if your farts stink.  Dalton: She is sooooo stupid.  Me: Um, no I will not ask it dumb questions.  Me to Siri: Is Kolbie a bad girl?  Siri: Ok, from now on I will refer to you as “bad girl.” Me: Oh my hell, no, cancel that!

Me: Really Dalton, you can’t think of anything to ask it?  Kolbie: Ask it what is the next X-Box game to come out that is the only thing he cares about.  Me: What will the newest X-Box game to come out.  Siri: Would you like the web results for X-Box games?  Me: Yes.  Siri: Here are the web results for X-Box games.  Me: Look Dalton, it took me right to Game Stop, will that tell us?  Dalton: Uh, yeah, I don’t really care; I have to go the bathroom real bad?  Me: Pee or poop?  Dalton: Crap, I have to take a crap.  Me: Dear God, why didn’t you say so, I would have driven faster. 

Me: Look Dalton, we got here before the buses even let out! Dalton: Yeah, Love you.  OH MY HELL HE SAID IT BEFORE ME!!!! 

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

This morning on my way to work one of the radio stations was telling the listeners that Christmas music is playing all over and do you think it is too early, please call in and let us know your thoughts.  And for about three minutes a bunch of biotches called in and complained that it wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet…yes it was way too early.

NO, IT IS NOT TOO EARLY TO BE PLAYING CHRISTMAS MUSIC AND LET ME TELL YOU WHY.

I love Christmas music.  Is there any other Holiday besides St. Patrick’s Day that has its own music?  Easter does not.  Labor Day does not.  Halloween perhaps could be considered to have its own, but you generally don’t walk into someone’s house and they are playing it…well not any houses I have been to.  Thanksgiving does not.  You get my point. 

So most people that complain it is too early want it to start on Black Friday, or the day after Thanksgiving.  Well that is BOGUS.  Those 4 weeks are the fastest 4 weeks in the entire year…and who the heck has time to enjoy the sounds of this very holiday?  It is almost the most stressful time of the year so you really are not listening to music for the enjoyment of it, it just happens to be playing.

My next argument is that I personally know people who celebrate their birthdays the month before, the month after, whatever.  Why does our Lord Savior Jesus Christ only get 4 weeks of celebration?  Come on people, he is the reason for the season.   As far as Christmas is concerned, I feel it should be celebrated all year or as my mother says, I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year. 

My Love's Too Big For You...

I can't yet explain what this is all about...I need a few days to sort it out myself...relationships are hard.  And it took me awhile, but I definitely deserve to be in one where there is some sort of reciprocation, anything at all...I can honestly say there are few things I have put this much of my heart and soul into, but there comes a point where you realize you have tried and tried hard and that is all you can do.  You cannot MAKE another person love you...and you can't help who you fall in love with...One of life's greatest mysteries...

I know I will be okay in time.  I have some great friends.  And I am asking you all now for support, cause even though I act like I am fine and everything is OK, I am not.  And according to Nic, I need to ask for help when I need it.  I'm asking now.  I love you all and thank you for going along on this journey with me...the roller coaster that is my life.





Baby, you've got the sort of hands to rip me apart
And baby, you've got the sort of face to start this old heart
But your eyes are warning me this early morning
That my love's too big for you my love

Baby, you've got the sort of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning, but you are running me down
My love's too big for you my love
My love's too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Baby, you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales
That your sort of mouth just will not say, the truth impales
That you don't need me, but you won't leave me
My loves too big for you my love
My loves too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Tell me what to do, to take away the you

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no.
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

O C D

I have OCD.  For sure not as bad as some people I know...but regardless, I may as well get it out there for the entire world to know.  It is probably a blessing that I am living with Father, because it is worse when I have my own place.  See, the “dwelling” I reside in is the very basement I grew up in.  The very basement that has accumulated 35 years of everyone’s stuff that has ever lived there.  My Mother, God love her, was a borderline hoarder.  Things, decorations, making the house a home stuff made my mom happier than anything.  I used to love our house at Christmas…it was so beautiful.  35 years is a lot of stuff to accumulate though. 

I had no intentions of staying this long…honestly…I came home to get mom better (obviously didn’t get that done) and back to Minnesota I was going…Things obviously happened and I am still here almost 10 years later.  God I am getting old.  Anyway, I have always been ready to GO…gave away most of my personal belongings, all of my furniture, some to Mom, some to Nephew…I have my dresser, my clothes, and my bed.  It is rather interesting how little you really need to survive.  My point is I never dreamed in a million years I would still be here, so all the stuff that I am surrounded by never bothered me, because it wasn’t mine.  What I am really trying to say is that if you were to come in to my dwelling you would not know I have OCD…of all the things in my life, I hide it well.  UNLESS YOU REALLY know me, then you see it.  Actually there are probably things that I do that I don’t even realize I do.

So here it goes…baring it all here.  All of my idiosyncrasies…or my OCD issues as I like to call them.

Why do bad things happen to good people...

Sister, God love her, is the best compartmentalizer I know.  Hands down, of all the people I have ever encountered in my life she is capable of putting things in a box, and pushing it aside until later to deal with it when she has the time.  I envy that of her, I really and truly do.  I want so bad to be like her in that respect.  I am not saying she completely avoids dealing with things, I mean if something comes up to disrupt her daily schedule, she is able to either deal with or put it aside until she can.  If something comes up and ruins my already scheduled program, GAME ON…I will lose sleep over it, I will over analyze it, I will break it down and tear it into tiny little pieces.  There is no secret that she will outlive me on the shear fact alone through her ability to deal with stress better than I.  I am incredibly jealous of a lot of things she has, but this is the one I want the most.  It has been a lifetime struggle for me to stop spending my lifetime struggling. 

Interestingly enough that really isn’t what this Blog is about.  It’s about her take on the world and how it works.  We are so different that it is not even funny.  We have nothing in common or if we do it is very rare.  She thinks I live in a warped world, where fairytales come true…true love exists…people are decent human beings, etc.  Well, I have to believe in something right?  She also thinks that we leave this Earth exactly as it is planned…or rather how it is supposed to happen.  For example, a heart-attack.  That it is God’s plan.  That we do not get to pick “go in my sleep,” but if that is how it is supposed to be it will be.

Before I upset anyone and I know I will, I do not have a clue if that is how it works and I am not about to tell you it does or doesn’t.  Some people go very brutally and generally undeserved.  So I would imagine those loved ones who were left to sort that out would not agree with this theory.  I don’t think she is suggesting that the person deserved it, just that it is all a part of God’s plan.  Everything happens for a reason.  Our destiny.

The Sanctity of Marriage...

Well, we knew this day would come.  It was just a matter of time.  After my blog about trying to get to 500 people, this blog may make some people “unlike” me.  The thing is you have that choice.  You do not have to read about my thoughts and feelings…that is a choice you make.  I am pretty confident though that my followers already know how I feel about this, so if it does come as a shock to you, I am sorry.  I am apologizing in advance.  But this has really ignited my pilot light so to speak. 

The topic of gay marriage can be dangerous waters to attempt to navigate.  I do not blow this aspect of my life up in people’s faces, or cause big scenes, or shove it down people’s throats…it is just not who I am. I don’t give a flying leap what people do with their lives, so I don’t make it a point to shove mine at them.  What you do, where you do it, how you do it and who you do it with has no effect on my life.  Unless any of those things cost me money, affect my family, or I have to sleep with it.  (Famous words of wisdom from Ernie Johnson.) 

If you live under a rock you would not know that Kim Kardashian filed for divorce on Halloween, after 72 days of marriage.  If you don’t know who she is you probably want to just stop reading, as the story won’t really matter.  Sadly I watch Keeping Up With The Kardashian’s sometimes, and I could have told you that this marriage was not going to work, but alas, no one asked me.  To sum it up for you, Kim is a very wealthy girl who has her hands in a lot of pies and makes more money in a week then I will ever see in a lifetime.  I don’t even want to speculate how much money was spent on her wedding, which I am sure E! paid for to increase their TV ratings.  Regardless…all it did was make me angry.  Angry enough that the next person who says that gay marriages should be illegal because they ruin the “sanctity” of marriage will probably be looking at the other end of my Sammy Sosa bat.  (I secretly want a reason to use it so badly, but I am sure I would end up getting hurt worse.)

Depression causes depression...

Soooooo, yesterday I am reading up on all the blogs I follow.  One of them (Just A Titch) contains links to other blogs and fun stuff on Fridays.  She had a link to another blog site called Hyperbole and A Half.  Loved it, absolutely loved this person, their style of writing, all of it.  This particular blog was about depression, which if you weren’t aware, I am a professional in this “state of mind.”

I blame a lot of it on my genetic predetermined flaws.  My great grandmother suffered from it which comes as no surprise since it is rather common in people of Mediterranean decent.  That does tend to shock me though because why would a people who are fond of enjoying food and wine be depressed?  Unfortunately they are.  I would say all of the women on my mother’s side suffer from or have at some point, depression.  They might not appreciate me saying that, but I don’t think it will be news to them.

This particular blog was as I mentioned about her depression.  However, she also draws pictures, which are crazy hilarious.  Although depression is not funny, this particular blog was and I could totally relate.  Sometimes it feels good to laugh at it because it really isn’t a laughing matter. 

After I read it I went and looked at some other blogs she has posted and decided I absolutely wanted to follow her and promote her on my own site.  And this is where the real depression set in.