The Beginning and the End

I had lunch with my Grandma Louise yesterday.  My father’s Mother.  She just turned 85.  I can’t even imagine turning 45.  I sure as hell cannot wrap my hands around 40 more years after that.  I am quite fortunate in that I have all but one of my Grandparents left.  And none of them are in the nursing home.  Although that time is getting closer for my Grandpa Cliff (my father’s Father.) 

Grandpa has been failing for the past couple years now, but he is incredibly ornery, and of course refuses to go “into the home.”  He had to be in “bounce back” care for a while after he fell and smashed his face up pretty good.  It was actually a blessing for my Grandma who is basically trying to take care of them both and well, frankly she just shouldn’t have to.  But she too is too stubborn to put his butt in there.  I would imagine after some ungodly amount of years with someone, the concept of them not being there anymore, even if they are still alive, would be quite daunting.

The thing that struck me though is not all of the memories we have had with both of them and we have had a lot.  All 6 of us grandkids have been very lucky to call them our Grandparents.  And the great-grandkids are lucky too…but the thing that hit home the most after having lunch with them yesterday was how the beginning is so very much like the end.

What do I mean?  If a person is fortunate (depending on how this is viewed) enough to live well into their 80’s, 90’s or even beyond…most of them are going to be cared for just like an infant is after it comes into this world.  It was incredibly similar.  My Grandma referred to all of the times she had to get up to check on him, and the times he was supposed to have his meds, and changing his linens and soiled clothes etc.  She has home health come in and assist her, I know she wouldn’t have it any other way (although I firmly believe this is getting the best of her) but for the most part she takes on these tasks herself.  And she said “it’s almost like your Grandpa is a baby again”.  I cannot imagine being 85 years old and having to do that AGAIN.  He doesn’t speak very clear sentences anymore, but she understands what he wants and needs.  But isn’t that exactly what is happening?  The beginning is just like the end.  He is a crotchety old man too, so that doesn’t make caring for him any easier.

You hear a tremendous amount of negative things about Nursing Homes, elderly care takers etc. and it truly breaks my heart.  But the thing that broke my heart worse was when Grandma said she felt so bad for all the people who were there that no one cared to visit the entire time Grandpa was in bounce back.  And I think that is her biggest fear.  Will we still go see him?  We don’t get over to see either one of them enough now as it is, but I personally can’t imagine her having to make that choice as she herself knows it is getting too hard for her to go up by herself every day.  I think he said he would go if she would.  However, she isn’t ready herself.  It’s sad really.  But to the GOOD Nursing Home providers and the empathetic people whose primary job in life is to care for elderly people, I salute you, because it is not an easy task.  And not something just anyone can do.  You are the last person some of these people interact with and see and that is incredibly sad. 

I think if she could say so, Grandma would say she wants to be the last person Grandpa sees.  There are no guarantees when you put someone in the nursing home who that last person might be.  I don’t want to be in her shoes right now and it’s sad.  It is really sad to know that sometimes though, the beginning is exactly like the end.