On choosing friends...

How do I choose my friends?  This is a question that requires a variety of answers, but as I have tried to state so many times before, without splitting the atom, what is the FIRST thing you think about when you are asked this question?  The first thing that comes to mind for me?  Some friends are chosen for me.  They just happen.  But once I meet a person I then decide what I will share, when, how much, etc.  I choose my friends based on a lot of criteria but the most important one is do they accept me?  Just the way I am.  When you meet me there are no pretenses, there are no hidden agendas.  You get what you see.  People either love me or hate me.  It’s not for me to choose, but one thing you can never say is that I was or am a fraud.  I have a lot of friends.  I really do.  A lot of people I would call “friend.”

Sometime last year I stopped adding or accepting friend requests on Facebook based on some real simple criteria that Sister brought to my attention.  Are we friends in real life?  Face to face?  Do you speak to me when you see me?  If you don’t, we probably aren’t FB friends, nor are we “friends” in real life either.  And although I don’t use FB to determine the value of my friendships, I truly do use it to keep up with people I call “friend.”

My High School friends?  We still speak in public.  We still do things together, not often, but we do.  I genuinely love seeing pics of their families and their trips and keeping up with their lives without having to call every day and ask…My college friends, I am in touch with a few of them, again, it’s not necessary we speak daily, but FB has allowed us to keep tabs on one another and comment or make contact with one another as necessary.  My work colleagues…I am in touch with a lot of people I “used” to work with, that I called friend then and I still call friend now.  It is so fun that I can be 500 miles or more away and still have a sense that I know what is going on with them.  Friends I met through owning the bar…That was a very big part of my life in so many ways.  I met some truly wonderful people and we became friends through that experience and I could tell immediately who I would or would not remain friends with or stay in touch with.

We all have different friends for different reasons.  We meet people at different stages in our lives.  We hold on to the fact that a friend will never stab you in the back, or hurt you in anyway.  Unfortunately friends do.  I am a good friend, but I am not perfect.  I have hurt plenty of people in my life time, mostly unintentional, but hurt is hurt is hurt, no matter what the motive.  It’s definitely worse if it was done on purpose.  The primary reason we are friends with someone is because we know that on some level that person understands us.  Knows how we feel.  Has been there before. 

The concept of “friend” has changed so much since Facebook entered our lives…now it is a status symbol.  A popularity contest.  I have to laugh at any person who has over 1000 friends.  REALLY?  You are close to 1000 people?  You may KNOW that many people, probably more, but I promise you are not their "friend."  This is what I do NOT do with FB.  I don’t even have time to do it frankly.  But I do not go through and see what my “friends” are doing daily or every weekend and wonder why I did not get invited or why I wasn’t included or whatever.

Over the past year or so, I have gotten pretty close with a group of people that I like to do fun things with.  I did NOT arrive at this group of people by some grand gesture to piss other people off, in fact, most of these people are my family and I am blessed that I am so close to some of them, that spending time together is actually fun.  Let me further explain that this “group” that I hang out with has been there for me in ways no one else has.  They have helped me during the best and worst times in the past 3 years of my life.  They have at some point or another SHOWED UP…and if you follow this blog, you will understand the importance of what that means to me.  Every single one of these people has a life outside of the events that we do or plan together.  I do not get upset or angry or EXPECT them to include me in all aspects of their lives and it would be ridiculous of me to do so.  Contrary to popular belief, I am a hermit.  I like to be home, in my dark dungeon cuddling my furry son.  Not once have I thought OMG, I wonder if they are doing something without me.  So sometimes I have to laugh when I am told I have offended someone by “not including them” in something I do.  I didn’t realize I was that important.  I am not included in a lot of things that my friends do, because that is life, I have no desire to do every single I do, with them.  Sorry guys.  But that’s why we have many friends…and do many different things with them. 

Accept me for who I am.  It’s that simple.  As I will do as your friend back.  And be a genuine person.  In your own life.  A humble, honest, sincere, compassionate and genuine person.  It’s not hard.  Someone who makes me want to be a better person, is definitely someone I call friend.