Are you there yet?...

Hi Dad. 

Are you there yet?

Probably seems like a funny question and Sister said she hoped to shout, it had been 21 days. It's been 28 now. 

I suppose we all have different versions of Heaven and when we arrive. And the stops we may make a long the way. I'm just glad that you had been going back to Church. That you felt comforted by that. I will find my way back someday maybe. I've always found God in the places no one thinks to look for him. 

We, I shouldn't say we, several people, I was not one, you know I don't even know how to turn a tractor on, were able to get some of your crops out. It was a beautiful display of how a farming community comes together. Sister, Brother and I can never repay those that helped that day. Or ever explain to someone how much it meant to us. 

You would be so proud of Sister. Although she is grateful you didn't "collect" anything other than hats, she really wishes you would've thrown away the mounds of papers you collected. I imagine there will be several days sorting through those this winter. 

Brother and Donnie are contemplating farming. God Bless them for wanting to. I think they are nuts but if you and Grandpa left anything you left an awful lot of pride to deal with. 

Gram is doing okay. She's had so much loss in her life. Doesn't seem fair. I need to get down and see her. 

I'm fine. I'm still not the Vice President of Blick Art Materials, not even close, but without my job I feel as if I would've never got out of bed for days. It keeps me busy and my mind off of the reality of the situation. The reality that you are gone. Just like that. A breath away. In the moments when I am not at work and I have time to think, I'm angry and I cry a lot. So I thank God every single day for my job. 

Brodie says hi Poppa. If you show up some night to visit us can you make sure he doesn't bark his head off at you? It scares me when he barks at the air. 

Sister and Brother have had dreams about you. I kinda knew you would visit them first. I'm sure you know how hard they are taking this. And I'm sure you knew I would be fine waiting. 

Luckily grief is like the tide. It ebbs and flows. I'm not looking forward to the holidays. One day at a time right now. 

I just wanted to tell you that I love you and hope you are at peace. 

But mostly I just wanted to know...

Are you there yet?