I believe in signs.
Signs, signs everywhere there’s signs, blocking up the scenery, breaking
my mind…or however the song goes. If I
want to see them. Kind of like when
someone is talking. Am I hearing them or
listening to them? If I see a sign, do I
know it’s a sign when I am seeing them?
How are we supposed to know?
There isn’t another sign that says, hey, be ready, a sign is on its
way. Good signs or bad signs, I believe
in them.
For instance, a couple weeks ago, it was a Monday morning; I
arrived at work and did my normal routine.
Turn on the lights; crank the air (because I am hot and someone else in
the office is cold so I like to get it nice and FROSTY before that someone else
arrives.) Turn on the copiers, retrieve
the faxes, turn on my computer, go grab a cup of coffee while that is booting
up, so that when I sit back down, I am ready to start my day. I sit down, my Spotify starts playing and
then BAM! The screen goes black and it
sounds like a gerbil is inside of my laptop working on his DJ Mixing
skills. Don’t ask me why that is what I
thought of, because I have never seen one do such a thing, but you get the
idea. Long story short, my hard drive
crashes. Actually burned. Actually, crashed and burned. It got too hot; probably because of the
smoking amount of work I put through it in a day, but mostly because HP is dumb
and put the HD too close to other things in the computer that caused it to pretty
much catch on fire. Or at least that is
what Robert (who fixed it) tells me. Bottom
line. I have to basically have it
rebuilt, whatever I had on it, was lost.
Luckily my very most important documents were on a flash drive. So what may have initially appeared to be a
horrific deal was minimized slightly with that realization. However, if you know me, you know how much I
HATE TO BE BOTHERED WITH STARTING OVER…but I had no choice. What was this sign?
Last Sunday, I took my not so happy ass down to sit at the
river. Alone. And I was alone until Chris and Melissa
showed up, which was totally fine, that didn’t bother me. And if you know me, you know I wear my phone
in a waterproof pouch around my neck, because someone is always calling or texting
wanting to know what is going on or who is where or what the hell ever. Today was no different. But I got hot. And I put it on Melissa’s little side pouch
on her chair and sent her on her way to go make me a sandwich…yes I asked, she
didn’t offer, she is a good enough friend that I can do that. And plus she makes amazing effing
sandwiches. Long story short, I grabbed
my phone when she returned with the sandwich to answer a text and my dog
smelled them and jumped in my lap…it all happened so fast it was several
minutes before I realized it was gone…but I had never left my chair, so I knew
it was floating down the river. Poor
Chris took off running down river to see if he could catch it, but it was gone. Probably when the Hawk swooped down and took
it. But anyway. There goes the one thing that I have with me
more than fingernail clippers and chapstick.
And I didn’t care. I remember
thinking, DAMNIT, I JUST BOUGHT THAT KICK ASS OTTERBOX COVER. But not that I lost my phone. At this point, I was grateful to not be able
to be contacted, but as usual reality sets in and you realize it’s gone. And you just lost all your contacts. THE SECOND TIME IN SO MANY WEEKS TWO MAJOR
TECHNOLOGICAL problems occur. Like big
deals. Except wait, I utilized the find
my phone App and realized my phone was apparently sitting in a bean field somewhere,
UP RIVER…would I like ICloud to back up my contacts on it? HELL YES I DO, ARE YOU NEW? And that is honestly how I was able to salvage
my contacts. Approximately 24 hours
later I lost communication with my new Otterbox and the device in it. I did attempt to look for it, but no luck. If you know me, you know how much I HATE TO
BE BOTHERED WITH STARTING OVER…so here we go again…what’s this sign telling me?
Well obviously not that life was over, because it’s
not. It goes on. Somehow it always, always goes on. And because of these things I was reminded of
a statement Nic made when we were on our Road Trip to Minnesota/Wisconsin. She said I cannot see you enjoying this, up
here, this solitude, I mean like permanently, you know, every single day. You are too much of a people person, big
city, and bright lights. And yet the
happiest I am or have ever been is when I am exactly just that…secluded. We had spotty phone service at best…I didn’t
care. I went kayaking with my best
friend in the whole world and just thought, my God, I could do this every
morning and every night.
The truth is I have been asking God, for a long time now, if
I should move back up North. I would
move to Hawaii tomorrow but uh, that’s far far away and far more
expensive. But there is something in my
bones that truly loves ALL FOUR SEASONS.
And let’s be honest, right now, the weather is screwed up everywhere…but
I love winter, I love spring, I ADORE fall and Summer and I are becoming
friends. Anyway…I wanted him to give me
a sign. Anything. Did he catch my computer on fire? I don’t think so, but when I asked him for a
break, I broke my leg, so I guess anything is possible. I would be okay. Not being in the center of hubbub or
commotion. I did the city thing, and I
loved it…but I am ready to settle down I guess.
It’s not for everyone, I get that.
Did he make me drop my phone in the water the other day? I think it was a dog and a sandwich actually,
but it did make me stop and realize how much I DID NOT MISS looking at it every
15 minutes.
I moved home because I wanted to take care of my mom and
because I hated my employers at the time.
I stayed home because I met a little girl named Kolbie and I fell in
love with her. And got to watch Bella
and Ethan grow up, and met a little girl named Molly who would change my life
forever, and weathered many familial storms, and ran my own business…who really
cares at this point why. I am not stuck
here. I am not stuck anywhere. I think a part of me desperately wished that
I had done something (like buy a house) or met someone that would KEEP me here,
so then I wouldn’t have to choose…does that make any sense? But it’s not up to anyone else…it’s up to
me. I am the only one taking care of me
and the only one that has for a very long time.
Everyone asks well do you have a job yet? What are you going to do? Uh, my job doesn’t
define me…I can and will find a job; I am not worried about that. Actually I am not worried at all. I believe I will end up where I am supposed
to end up. For a long time I have been
trying to keep the scattered pieces of the puzzle that is my life, if not
together, at least close by, but sometimes they just don’t fit. And I think people will be surprised to know
that I don’t feel like I fit in a lot of places…
In the past two weeks I have had to completely wipe the
slate clean in regards to two important aspects of my life, mostly
communication, but still a big deal. I
think the sign says it’s ok to wipe it all clean.
New slates are made every. Single. Day.
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