I do not hate my job...

I do not hate my job.  I really don’t.  In fact, I would venture a guess that most of you have no clue what I do, other than post on Facebook all day.  This is not true.  Truth be known, it is my outlet, how I vent, whatever…and I think we all know I like to vent.  I am personally going to be one pissed off sucker if I ever die of a heart attack, because I DO NOT keep things bottled inside.  (Or die of any other stress related issue really.)

Anyway, first things first.  I am a Project Manager for a metal fabrication/structural steel company.  I gave myself that title if you want the truth, because I didn't have one and I have enough trouble in life without having an identity crisis at work also.  It perfectly sums up what I do, but explaining what I do is a lot harder.  But I will try.

We build things, steel things, usually buildings, think banks, schools, Sam’s clubs, etc.  When you drive past a new building going up and see the metal skeleton of it, or its framework, that is what we do. I am with a project from the moment it gets bid on (I do not estimate, but I do sometimes do material calculations for weight, etc.) until the time it’s shipped complete.  If we did in fact get the job.

So let’s pretend my estimator bids on a job.  I will find out all the contractors that are bidding on the job, I will type up our bid; I will send the bid to them and wait to hear if we won it.  If we won it, I then become the contact with the contractor from the fabrication (building) standpoint.  I will get the list of materials from the shop, I will send that out for bids, I will find and negotiate the best price; I will issue the Purchase Order for those materials.  I will take the drawings from our detailer and I will forward them to the appropriate parties and maintain their path through the whole project.  I am the keeper of all things needing documented.  I am also the one who gets their ass chewed when the estimator fails to include something on the bid he should of, or if the detailer draws up the prints wrong, or prints are missing etc., or if material is list, or so on and so forth.  It’s a thankless job usually.  Call me a liaison.  The middle man.  I don’t care what you want to call me, but I am in charge of a lot of info and keeping the project on schedule.

Perhaps that sounds simple and somewhat glamorous.  It is neither.  It’s not rocket science, but it is a lot to keep track of, especially if you have more than one project going on.  No one taught me how to do any of this, I taught myself and by process of elimination at this facility, it needed done.

Besides that being my main daily task, I can also do 90% of Sisters job, as the Office Manager.  Shipping, receiving, purchasing, accounts payable/receivable, etc.   Think of her as the financing, human resources, payroll kind of person.  If you have ever worked in a company before, really of any kind, you would know that between the two of us, we wear a lot of hats…doing the job of multiple people at times.  We work well together and it is a blessing we can.  Although I can do her job, she really wants no part of mine.  Most days, no part of her own really.  But anyway. 

I complain a lot about my job.  I am aware of this.  But it’s important that everyone know it’s not my job I am complaining about, meaning the actual work I do.  My job is highly dependent on several other things and PEOPLE doing their jobs as well.   I take my job very personally.  So if something negative happens, it affects me personally.  Most people, well some, can blow shit like that off, I, I cannot.  I take too many things to heart as it is, but I especially do with my job.  If I mess up, I take full responsibility.  I don’t like pointing fingers or finger pointers…accept it, move on.  I don’t give a flying leap whose fault it is, how do we fix it?

So, in case you have ever wondered what I do…there ya go.  I am at a desk, at a computer entirely too much which is why I gained all the weight back that I lost when I owned the bar, and I hate that, but I do not hate my job.

Glad we cleared that up.

The Harlem Shake what?...

Well, I seriously doubt this will win me any new friends and perhaps could cause me to lose some, but you know me, if I got something to say, I am going to say it.

Personally I think the Harlem Shake is goofy.  Not unlike the way I feel about Gangham Style.  And maybe 20 years ago I could see myself getting down and jiggy with both of these internet phenomenons.  Truthfully, my body doesn't move that way anymore.  That being said…for those who do not know, (and I always think it’s good to have my facts about something before I yap on about it) here are two links imperative to read if you want to understand just what the fuss is all about and how it came to fruition. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harlem_shake

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harlem_Shake_(meme)

Now that I have given you the opportunity to read for yourself and familiarize yourself on this topic, I can continue with my rant. 

Unless you live under a rock and don’t know much about YouTube, you would not realize that the Harlem Shake has gone viral and 1000’s of groups of people all over the country, the world really, have done their own version and videotaped it.  I am serious…thousands of groups of people.  One being a local high school, Knoxville Jr/Sr High., located in Knoxville, Illinois (west central Illinois.) 

Anyway, I would love to give you a link to watch said video, but I cannot because it had to be taken down and made private.  It is my understanding that the young man who made the video got in quite a bit of trouble at school.  It is also my understanding that a local TV station also asked to air the video along with all the others it had collected on a piece it was doing about how viral this thing had become.

If you knew anything at all about the Harlem Shake phenomenon before you watched this video from Knoxville, I promise you would laugh.  Or you should laugh.  Because it was merely a copy of the original.  I don’t know who the hell said this, but it’s the God’s honest truth… “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”  This was no more than a high school and a group of some of the kids that attend it, mimicking one of the biggest viral, internet phenomenons of its kind.  Maybe you don’t think it is the phenomenon I continue to call it?  Then perhaps you should Google that word as well.  Because of this video and the song associated with it, the way a piece of music gets promoted, marketed, sold, etc, has forever been changed.  Again, if you read the wiki description above, you will know this.   If you make music in any capacity; write it, play it, produce it, sing it, what the hell ever, your career has been changed.  I guess if you don’t do any of those things then it wouldn't matter to you.

As mentioned above, to my knowledge the child who filmed this was reprimanded.  The filming took place with the principal present and with permission from said individual.  After the child was reprimanded he was told that he was only given permission on the grounds that it would be appropriate.  I don’t know about you, but if I didn't have a clue what it was that the student was asking me to do, I think I would have Googled it before granting permission, but what do I know. 

I sat back and watched the commentaries unfold on Facebook about it.  Good, bad, indifferent, ugly, whatever, everyone is entitled to their opinions.  I am not sure what message this child was supposed to get from an administration that granted him permission one minute, but after a pretty public backlash, then punished him.  I do not believe he would have been punished had so many people not complained about it, and mostly complained about its inappropriateness.  An issue that probably could have been resolved and the video never even shot, had someone bothered to see what it was even about in the first place. 

I am not blasting the administration.  I’m not blasting the kids or their parents.  I promise, that every kid that participated in that video, has seen or watched something far worse than that, with OR WITHOUT their parents present.  Were there inappropriate displays in the video, yeah, I guess.  AGAIN, why didn't someone see what this was even about before ALLOWING them to do it if they felt this way?  But getting out there and point blank calling the kids’ parents hypocrites?  BE VERY, VERY, VERY CAREFUL when you do this.  I promise you it will come back and bite you in your ass.  Maybe not anytime soon, but it will.  If you have a problem with the administration allowing this, address that.  If you have a problem with kids’ parents, address that.  But even having no kids myself?  I would be more apt to go after a parent whose kid was a big bully, versus a parent who allowed their kid to dance around like a gyrating idiot.  My next question is, if you and your child were not involved in any way, why do you care if they look inappropriate and stupid?  If you care because the school is allowing one thing and not other things, then isn't your issue with the school itself?

I sincerely respect parents and their desire to keep their kids away from anything inappropriate.  It’s not easy.  Especially in today’s world.  But wouldn't that require not owning a TV or any other electronic device, but also homeschooling your child? How else do you keep them away from it?

I don’t know…I guess I have probably pissed a lot of people off at this point, and it is, merely my opinion.  I don’t care if you thought it was inappropriate.  That is your opinion.  But if you think that is what this is about you missed my point entirely.  HAVING NO CHILDREN of my own I can name 5 things off the top of my head that are worse than having a child or allowing my child to act out a video that contains actions that they can turn on VH1 or MTV at any moment and see.

Have I mentioned I don’t have any kids of my own?

To My Dearest Percie...PART TWO

Sorry, I wasn't done yet.  That shouldn't surprise you...your Aunt Tiff loves to talk!

I was laying in bed last night wondering if I told you EVERYTHING I had to tell you and if you would listen and understand it...and then magically, I received a text from you, with one of the nicest thank you's I have received in, oh, maybe my whole life.  So you DID READ IT!  It did hit home!  Wahoooo!  8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, I do a lot of talking, mostly to your mom, and I am positive that she is NOT always listening, so it's nice when someone really does hear me.

While I was thinking about all of this I remembered the time your mom called to say you were coming up on your little 4-wheeler to be on the look out...so Gram Rita sent me outside to watch for you.  What I was about to see was the little girl you always were, the young lady you are now, and the woman I know you will become.  You came FLYING over Aunt Joyce's hill...going as fast as you could get that thing to go, (and if I remember correctly, your father had cranked it down, so it wasn't even going as fast as it could.)  I think you were probably 7, or 8, who knows...but thank God you had your helmet on (even though you hated it,) because as fast as you could push that throttle you were coming over that hill.  If you could have made it fly, you would have.  Anyway, you hit the bottom of the hill way too fast, which is how you have gone through and continue to go through your whole life...TOO FAST...and your little wheeler did an unimaginable flip, threw you off into the sunset and it landed upside down.  At first my hurt sunk, I wasn't sure how you would get up from that kind of flip, and I started to run, until you I saw what happened next.  You got up, righted your helmet, and literally kicked the shit out of the 4-wheeler.  I couldn't hear what you were saying, but you were screaming.  You rolled it back over, started it back up and proceeded up the hill.  Got off of it, threw your helmet at it and kicked it one more time.  I didn't bother to ask you if you were OK, you were entirely too mad to not be.

When you were old enough to start "practicing" to drive you would come the back way between our houses and you would drive 100 mph...it scared the crap out of Gram Rita.  To this day, you still drive TOO FAST.  My words of wisdom to you?  SLOW THE HELL DOWN.  Life will go fast enough.  I know there will be moments and days that it does not feel that way, but it will...and you will look back and you will wish you had slowed down, I promise you will.  But also, I want you to know that I am OK with you kicking the ass out of anything that throws you off your course.  Including yourself.  You have my permission. You are and remain, one determined young lady.

See your Grandparents often.  Or call.  You are so fortunate to have Grampa Dan and Gramma Sharon, Gram Rita and Papa Jim, Grampa Charles and Gramma Louise.  So many people do not have theirs.  I know you are too busy to see them all the time, but call them.  It means everything to them.  And it will to you someday as well.

Stop texting and driving.  And stop telling me you don't do that.  WE ALL NEED TO.  Life is hard enough and something is always on our minds, so concentrate and don't get distracted with your phone, boys, lots of things...Nothing is so important that it cannot wait to be said.

I don't know exactly how you feel about God or Heaven or any of that and that is your personal preference.  But pray to something.  Believe in something.  Put your faith in something.  Because sometimes it really is all we have.

Yes your parents are stupid and they will be for many more years.  But they are also the only two people in this world who created YOU, so remember who you are calling stupid.  Despite what it may appear, they do want was is best for you and their choices are not always going to be right.  Fighting them only makes it harder.  Defend yourself, but listen to what they have to say, they are NOT ALWAYS wrong.  And be honest with them.  You will be amazed at how easy your relationship with them will be when you tell them the truth.

I think I am done now...I am sure I forgot some other amazing words of wisdom, but for now, I will wrap this up.

So...Go...Be...and don't forget...once in awhile...blow your own damn mind.

Love-
Aunt Tiff

To My Dearest Percie...

Isabella Marie Boyer, Belle, Bellekins, Isabella Moonday, Marie, Bella...

Dear Percie-

I know, I know graduation is a ways away, but here is what is going to happen.  That time will RUSH like the waves on the ocean and it will pull you under and you will be overwhelmed.  And you will get so many cards and letters and gifts and moolah and you will not remember a word of this, so I am going to send it now.

You remind me so much of myself it is not even funny.  And no NOT THAT WAY…I know you like boys…I did too once.  Hee hee!  My point is that you seriously have one of the biggest hearts of any and all the people I know and I know a lot of people.  My only wish is that EVERYONE knew you the way I know you…

You have been obstinate (stubborn and bull-headed) since you were old enough to walk.  And from the moment you were aware you could control any and all situations.  One of my first memories of you when you were a little imp was the time you got salmonella.  I have never seen a child so pissed off in all of my life.  They had your IV in your arm, wrapped in a board, because apparently you thought A) you didn't need it and wanted it out of there and B) it pissed you off and hurt.  The first time I came to the hospital I believe you just screamed and banged it on the side of the bed.  The next time you didn't want anyone to touch you, just your mom, but you held that damn board up like “look…does this look fun to you?”   You loved your Gram Rosie though I know you barely remember her.  You adored untying her shoes.  Papa Jim would always tell you that a mouse went by the house on a motorcycle and you would sit in that picture window and watch and watch…and one day you said we couldn't go outside because it was “too coal and whinny.”  I think we still say that to this day.  And whenever it would thunder you would grab your head, cover your ears and scream at the top of your lungs, “make the thunda stop!”

You and your brother X’ed every baby sitter you ever had.  Including Gram Rita a few times.  You two were quite the tag team.  I doubt your brother knew then how much he needed you.  He may still not know, but he will.  You have been and always will be one another’s best friend, don’t ever lose that FOR ANYONE or anything.  And I mean that.  Let no one come between you.

You are still obstinate.  I have never met another human being so set in their ways.  Deep down under that hard tough exterior you do care and you care a lot.  You care a lot about what people think of you and you always have.  You will never, ever, ever be able to see yourself as others see you, nor will you ever feel good enough.  Unfortunately we have that in common.   This makes it incredibly easy for people to hurt you, incredibly hard to trust anyone and horribly difficult to have faith in yourself.

Right now you are 16.  You think you have things figured out.  Trust me you don’t.  Find me when you are 40 and see if you have yet.  I think life is one constant learning experience.  What fun would it be if we had everything figured out?  I don’t care if you think you know everything; just don’t be opposed to constantly learning.  You will get yourself in a lot of trouble if you think you KNOW IT ALL.

You have had to bust your ass to learn.  No one knows how hard this was for you as I do.  College was very, very hard for me and I was basically an average student in high school…still to this day, at my current job, I have to learn things a certain way.  I am here to tell you and remind you as often as I need to that you ARE NOT, NOR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN, stupid or dumb.  I don’t give a flying shit if you “needed help.” That is what it was there for.  You learn differently than your peers (friends and classmates.)  It means you are different and that is a good thing.  It is not your fault or your responsibility that unfortunately it’s hard for teachers to teach to all the differences in each kid.  You did the best you could.  And everyone that knows you and loves you knows that. 

I have so many wishes for you I don’t know where to start.

Dream your own dreams.  I don’t care what mom and dad say, they cannot live your life.  Follow your own heart and don’t try to do things to make THEM happy…it will only make you miserable later.  Go to college.  Learn, experience.  Meet new people.  Meet people who have nothing in common with you.  JUDGE no one because not only do you not want judged but you have no right.  Join clubs, take long walks, listen to all kinds of music, try all kinds of food, do things you can never picture yourself doing (that are legal) because you will feel so alive and free for having done so.  You have worked as long as you were old enough to walk, mostly raising livestock.  You were one of the best employees I had at the bar and I believe it is because you love to be hands on and learn by experience.  There was no book in the world that could have taught you that, in fact I taught you nothing, I made you watch.  Most importantly don’t try to fix other peoples problems…

You are the perfect girl.  You are the girl next door, who can dress to the nines and in 45 seconds be covered in mud.  Boys dig that shit.  Even if they act like they don’t.  You deserve the moon, so don’t accept a few stars.  And I am not kidding about that.  Go, have fun, live life, meet people, but don’t you dare commit to a life you are not happy with or with someone you cannot call your best friend.  Most boys come and go…hang on to your best friends and nurture those friendships always.

Despite what kids your age think about sex right now or what you may have learned, it is something incredibly special and it is not a joke.  And can change your life in a second.  If anyone suggests that it is necessary for them to maintain a relationship with you, it is usually the best way to tell you don’t need them.  You are going to do whatever you want, no matter what I say, I just want you to know that the right one will never give you an ultimatum or make you do something you don’t want or don’t believe in.  That doesn't just go for sex.

Don’t be naïve.  That means too trustworthy.  Especially of strangers.  Ask lots of questions.  If they are sincere, they will answer them and prove themselves to you.  And it is ok to ask someone to prove they mean what they say.

You are about to embark on some of the most confusing, exciting, strangest days of your life.  Some will be good and some will not be.  Embrace them all.  It is okay to be scared.  Sometimes fear pushes us into greatness.  Some days, a lot of them really, none of it will make sense…I have issues with this today.  It’s ok.  It’s ok to cry.  It’s ok to laugh.  It’s ok to scream.  Just remember whatever emotion those days evoke, that it is OK.

Also remember that you are going to mess up.  And probably a lot.  But it will never stop me from loving you.  Ever.  It’s how we learn.  My biggest fear is that you will refuse to “let go.”  You will refuse to go a little bit crazy.  And because of that I will leave you with this one last wish I have for you…and I hope you never forget it.

When you graduate this spring/summer, your life will truly begin.  And it is one incredibly crazy ride from here.  You won’t always enjoy it, but it can be everything you want it to be.  Don’t let anyone or anything stand in your way.  Ever.

Good luck Percie.  I love you all the way to the moon and back.  Infinity and beyond.

Love Aunt Tiff

What's Love Got to do With It?...

OK!  So I was given a reason to not hate this day.  My friend Teresa dropped off a single yellow rose and a box of chocolates to let me know that someone was thinking of me.  She didn't want me to have nothing.  And my friend Kelli mailed me a card.  And my friend Heidi called me.  And my cousit Rhetta changed her FB profile picture to us in honor of me.  This 14^th day of February.  This day that has come to be known as the “day for lovers.”  I didn't make it be that way.  Society did.  If you want the truth it really all started, according to Wikipedia, this way:

St. Valentine's Day began as a liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian saints named Valentinus. The most popular martyrology associated with Saint Valentine was that he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and for ministering to Christians, who were persecuted under the Roman Empire; during his imprisonment, he is said to have healed the daughter of his jailer Asterius. Legend states that before his execution he wrote "from your Valentine" as a farewell to her.

Interestingly I cannot find out why those soldiers were forbidden to marry, but I have a pretty good guess.   Or maybe I am way off.  Who knows?

I do want to explain myself though.  I do not hate Valentine’s Day because I am single and do not have a lover.  I thoroughly agree that if you love something, anything, that much, that every day that love should be celebrated.  For instance, dinner and champagne is good any damn day of the week.  It’s even better when it is a surprise.  And I don’t even hate the day because it is the biggest day of the year to send and receive flowers.  I like sending flowers for no reason at all.  To me those are the best days to send and receive them.  When you least expect them.  I do not hate the day because it’s all about chocolate and I am not a big sweets person to begin with.  I do not really even hate the day because I have never had a Valentine.  I have had Valentine’s.  In second grade…probably in 6^th, High School, etc. Yes I have even had a Valentine as an adult once or twice for a brief fleeting moment.  To be honest though, as an adult I don’t remember every celebrating it with anyone…meaning one of us was always working or whatever. 

SOOOOOOOOOOOO, why do I not like this day?  And let’s say I don’t like it instead of hate it, cause hate is a very strong word.  I seriously dislike it.  But anyway…

We can all agree, probably, that the day is the big once a year reminder of love right?  We can all agree it doesn't have to be about the love between couples, or spouses or significant others right?  OK, fine, it does not have to be about that, but that is what it is truly driven by.  Whether you celebrate it that way or not. Today, in 2013, it is promoted as a day of lovers.  To celebrate love.  Blah blah blah.  With that being said, drum roll please, the reason I seriously dislike February 14, Valentine’s Day is because…

Contrary to popular belief, or the belief of my sister, I do not believe in love.

 HOLD YOUR HATS ON.  She claims that I am single because I am looking for “the fairy tale  the white picket fence hoopla, and the perfect relationship.” And that does not exist.  And therefore, since it does not exist, I will be alone forever because I refuse to settle for less.   I KNOW WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW there are no perfect relationships.  There are however two imperfect people who can work on loving one another perfectly.  That is all that is necessary.  The relationships that work get this.  The ones that do not obviously do not know this or agree it cannot be done with one another.  And there is no shame in admitting you cannot love someone.  The shame?  Is convincing someone you do and you can love them and the imperfections but then not mean a word of that.   If you cannot love me or you cannot love me the way I want to be loved, do not waste my time and yours trying to convince me otherwise and then leave, or cheat, or change your mind.  HENCE THE REASON I do not believe in love.  No one has proven to me that it exists.  Some have tried.  All have failed.  I have no idea if any of them meant a single solitary word they ever said to me, because they are obviously not here to ask, but they couldn't follow through and that to me is priceless.

People fall in and out of love daily.  People change.  Avoiding telling someone that your love has changed for them in any capacity, or that it never existed in the first place, is a pretty shitty ass thing to do.  Or one of my favorite all time statements ever?  I didn't mean to fall for this OTHER person, it just happened.  Nothing JUST HAPPENS that way.  If you cared a smidgen about me the way you claimed to, you would have never saw the second person to begin with.  Which as they say is why if you have “fallen” for two different people, you should chose the second, because it means you never truly fell for the first one in the first place.

So…long story short.  I do not believe in love.  Not that kind.  Yes I love Brodie.  I love my friends, I love my family.  I love my bed.  I love Keystone Light and taking cruises.  I do not believe in romantic love, which is what all the bullshit hype is about on this day. 

I am sorry.  But I do not.  Fairy tale?  I cannot be holding out for a fairy tale when I do not believe that even exists can I?  Maybe someday, Cupid will strike my ass with his arrow, when I least expect it, because I sure and the hell am not looking for it.  But I can assure you when and if it does happen that person has their work cut out for them.  Because it is going to take a miracle to make me believe. 

I will just let Tina take it from here...

I blame the Bureau...

I thought I had previously written a blog about this very subject, but if I have, I cannot find it.  So if it seems like something I have already written, I apologize.

Yesterday I watched The Adjustment Bureau.  Have you seen it?  Well, I have seen it before, and loved it, like more than I thought I would.  Because initially it was not what I thought it was about.  Since I struggle with making long stories short I shall just say that the movie basically is about how we all have a predetermined plan...a path...a journey.  That it is already mapped out for us.  And sometimes we go the wrong directions and that's what the Bureau does, rights our paths when we lose our way.  That we are given the gift of free will, but that most of us don't know how to use it, so that's what the Bureau does...helps us out.

Let's think about that for a second.

WHAT IF...there was a map of our lives...that someone somewhere is monitoring for us.  That's kind of an overwhelming feeling.  But no more so than praying to a God none of us have ever seen or met.  Or have we met him or her?  According to the movie, we have all met the "Chairman" at one point or another.

So basically, we all have a guardian angel.  Responsible for our paths.  But I guess up until this point I just felt they protected us from harm, not that they were necessarily guiding.  This is so confusing.  But I want to believe this.  I want to believe that there is a journal out there somewhere with my "path" and someone is carrying it and monitoring it and changing the direction when I start going the wrong way.

Why do I want this so badly?  Because I want there to be a reason for all of this.  A reason for everything.  A reason why my life has been touched by cancer.  A reason I have broken more bones in my life in the past 3 years.  A reason I walked away from a business that everyone loved.  A reason I only got to be in Hawaii for 2 weeks.  A reason I was told I had arthritis at the age of 7.  A reason my parents divorced.  You get the idea.  I am not of the philosophy that it's just because.  I have a harder time wrapping my hands around it all being so random.  I honestly don't think it is.

Sometimes, often really, I get overwhelmed with the desire to know WHY.  I applaud those of you that are content with not knowing.  I understand that I will rarely, if ever, get answers to that question, because apparently at some point it will all make sense.

Most recently, I walked away from something for the umpteenth time, like I have done it so many times I have physically lost count.  This time was different for some reason.  This time what was more important was why I was even there in the first place?  There being at the point where you decide which direction to go.  Like I genuinely questioned it all.  What is this bringing to my life?  How is it making me a better person?  Or not?  Like I really wanted to know what I thought I would get out of it.  Were all the things that have happened regarding this issue in the past driven by "my path" because if not I just can't grasp the randomness of it.  So the minute I accepted that, that it was because it wasn't SUPPOSED to work out, I was somehow able to finally accept it.  Does that make any damn sense?  Yes, people can say everything happens for a reason, but until you FULLY BELIEVE that yourself, it doesn't matter.  And I want that reason to be because I have someone looking out for me.  Like REALLY looking out for me.

I don't get it and I don't get why things happen.  I hope I will someday, but for now, I blame the Bureau.  And I guess if that helps me cope, deal, make sense of it, whatever, that's what I will have to do.  Because I truly believe that I deserve to be happy.  To find happiness.  To find peace and content in my life, with or without someone.  I just wish whoever is "in charge" of me would show their face and say, TRUST ME TIFFANY...all this bullshit is going to be worth it.  I will believe them because their eyes will tell me the truth.

But for now, I blame the Bureau.

A Divided United States...

The last Presidential Race, which was not very long ago, was the last time I saw a divided nation.  But it may not have been as divided as the Super Bowl half-time show last night.  Actually the entire Super Bowl really.  But every single day I am amazed at the differences we have as humans…our preferences…our needs and desires…even though differences make the world go round.  And how sometimes, no matter what, it is never, ever enough.

Let’s take for instance the half-time show.  Personally I thought it was fantastic. Like it was probably the first time in the entire half of the game that I paid attention to what was going on.  I also knew ahead of time though that because of the Inauguration debacle and Beyonce apparently lip-syncing, with a background vocal (technically she did both) that she would be doing the half-time LIVE and that because of the endurance requirement to do such a thing, she would be doing A LOT OF DANCING.  I expected a Beyonce dance show.  Did most people know that?  I don’t know?  I don’t really care.  Did what she was wearing offend me?  No, nor did it turn me on.  It did nothing.  I didn't expect her to come out in a long flowing dress and stand there; it’s not what she does period, in any of her shows.  So I say to the comments about her attire… I know that I have almost 300 channels at my house, probably more than that.  If I didn't enjoy it I had the opportunity to change the channel.  Beyonce does not have a paper thin body.  I believe she is probably closer to a normal females figure than most people, could she have wore pants?  Yeah.  I don’t know, to be honest, I was really surprised at the comments that came flooding in.  And everyone is entitled to their opinions, makes the world go round, but if you didn't want your kids seeing it, or it wasn't your cup of tea, change the channel.  It’s physically impossible to put on a half-time show that will appeal to EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING.  I would have liked Adele.  And then the complaints would have been that she just stands there, sings sad songs and it wasn't very entertaining.  If you didn't like that she didn't sing as much as you would have liked, I guess it’s easy to perform in front of millions and sing and dance at the same time.  I used to teach aerobics…which required both…and let me tell you it is NOT EASY…I don’t know, it just seemed that a lot of the comments were silly…I am not saying your opinion is silly, I am saying have you ever personally performed a show like that?  And most importantly?  I am the LAST MOFO who will ever judge any other humans body.  ANYONE’S.  Let alone someone who has had a child…Would I wear that outfit in a million years?  No.  Nor would I ever have a body to do such a thing.  Was it the best show on earth?  NO.  The worst?  NO…and just for the record, the songs she sang were chose by the country and everyone had a chance to vote…OH AND ONE MORE THING.  She was not paid for the event.  She did it for free.  So maybe or maybe not that will make it easier for some to absorb.  The artist’s expenses are covered, but they are not actually paid themselves.   WHY?  The NFL doesn't pay any half-time performer.  And two it’s the most watched musical event of the year…from a promotional standpoint, an artist would be stupid not to.

Lastly…the Sandy Hook Elementary school choir…yes I cried.  Yes, I thought it was beautiful.  What a touching tribute to them, the community, the country, whatever.  The reviews however were mixed.  That it was tasteless.  That we need to let it go.  That it wasn't a celebration at all.  Ok.   Wow… didn't see that one coming.  In all honesty what the hell is wrong with us?  Why are WE CONSTANTLY JUDGING?  Day in and day out.  Don’t we get tired?  If you thought it was tasteless did you change the channel?  Or did you continue watching so that you could comment on how tasteless it was.  I am not saying it should have moved us all the way that it moved me; I am saying what would you have put in their place?  What do you expect to see?  Who do you want to do it?  Would you want that job, the planner of Super Bowl shows and entertainment, cause I sure as hell wouldn't?  Nor would I want to be the guy or person responsible for the lights going out either…but shit happens. 

In conclusion, I suppose social media now makes it virtually impossible to not hear or see everyone’s opinions on every single solitary matter that goes on in the world today.  The only way to avoid that is to shut all that crap off.   Turn off Facebook and Twitter and our phones and the TV.  Sometimes I am interested in other people’s opinions, other times, it doesn't matter much to me.  I guess this is how the world revolves…constant motion…constant changing…constant differences.  Constant opinions.  I just know all the judging wears me out, so I don’t do it.  I sort of kind of live in a bubble…and I like it there.