The Truth Is...

Wow...it's been a long time since I have written my Blog.  The truth is, as normal, I only think of things I want to say or write about when I am laying in bed and can't sleep.

The other truth is I don't feel good.  I didn't want to blog about how rotten I feel or to be so transparent in my writing that everyone would see how depressed I have been.  And I have been.  And yes, I am taking meds to help with that.  Pain pills of any kind make me not a very nice person.  I don't enjoy taking them I don't enjoy needing to take them, but sometimes we find we have no other choice.

The days are going by quickly and yet standing still, if that makes any sense.  I have no recollection of how much time has passed and yet I know it is the middle of February.  It was a year ago almost exactly that I was having a neuroma removed from the same foot I just had operated on.  Small world.  Or whatever you want to call it.

My care takers are doing a great job.  It was a little shady early when I was receiving all my get well cards and they were just getting bills but those have since disappeared so they stopped bugging me about that.

I didn't imagine my trip to Mom's would be over 3 weeks long but it has been.  The truth is, I am walking without a cane but I look like a robot when walking.  It's easier with a cane and I still can't do steps.  I do not have any patience as I am sure I have mentioned once or twice before so this is killing me a little bit.  The truth is, a lot.  Their house is very small and I do have my privacy if I want to sit in the spare room all day but somehow I feel like I am intruding.  I haven't technically missed my real home yet because maneuverability around that house is not as easy as this one.  I feel out of place though and it wouldn't be the first time in 39 years.

Under The Tuscan Sun...

Any arbitrary turning along the way and I would be else ware; I would be different...

One of my favorite movies, Under The Tuscan Sun, had probably one of the most profound messages ever, but I doubt very many people caught it.  They were probably too busy admiring the scenery or wishing they too could go on vacation and never come home and just buy a home in Italy.  I have went on many trips where I wished I had never returned, but alas, my financial situation has never allowed such a thing to happen.

When she arrives in Italy, at some point, the realtor asks her what she wants to experience in her new home.  What does she hope to get out of this major change in her life.  She says things like, she wants a wedding, a family, love to grow etc.  At the end of the movie, she gets all these things.  They just aren't for her personally.

For several weeks I have asked God to give me a break.  I was stressed out at work.  I was stressed out with my sister (its hard to work so close to a sibling, I don't care who you are). I was stressed out living with Dad.  I was stressed out that I have to work pay check to pay check just to pay for choices I made what seems like eons ago.  I was stressed out that my dog has epilepsy.  I was MAJORLY stressed out that I had been faithfully exercising and eating better for almost 4 weeks and not feeling much of a change.  Frankly, I had it.  I needed a damn break.  A getaway.  A reprieve.  SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.

Never was a good ice skater...

I have a small window of opportunity and there will most likely be lots of errors but I wanted to give you a blog before some of you gave up on me.  I think I can sit up long enough to blog now so, hopefully I won't get too  far behind.

As many of you already know, I had a fairly serious accident Saturday night, technically Sunday morning.  Alcohol was not the cause of this one, although everyone that cared about me assumed so.  I called the ambulance myself, it has been several years since I had ridden in the back of one...they have come a long ways!

I can make this a really long story but I don't have the energy so here goes.  I got home Saturday night and was was walking to the door when I slipped on a patch of ice.  I think there were only two patches in all of Knox County.  Our motion lights on the garage didn't come on or I would have seen it as it was for sure the size of a small pond...a fish pond perhaps, but a pond nonetheless.  In my vain attempt to save myself, I managed to break my tibia and both sides of my ankle, also dislocating my ankle in the process.  Surgery was imminent. 

The ER visit was quite painful and I even got administered some propofol so that I would never remember the pain they were going to cause  me by "setting" it in place for the surgeon to operate in the morning.

I remember everything but that, I even remember when it broke.  I felt and heard my leg snap and my body went one way, my foot the other.  It was approximately 20 minutes before help arrived and I was on icy concrete so I have had better Saturday nights.