Speaking Volumes...

I saw this posted somewhere yesterday…

“Say what you feel, in order for others to feel what you say.”

I personally don’t have a problem with this.  I have 99 problems, but this isn't one of them.  I would venture a guess that 99.99% of my friends and family FEEL everything I say.  One of the things I love about myself.  In fact, just last week I was driving around the Wisconsin countryside with one of my very best friends, house hunting, ya know, just to be prepared…and we were just talking about whatever and she just randomly says, this is why I love you.  And I’m like what? And she’s like, because, there is no wondering what you are feeling or thinking.  There is no mystery with you.  And you are not afraid to say it.  Ummm?  Nope…never have been I guess.  It’s probably why I have such a huge issue with communicating with people who do have a problem with it.

Anyway, when I saw the statement, my first initial thought was “speaking volumes”…how what we do, or what we say, or what we don’t do or say, can speak volumes about us as a person.  To be honest with you, what a person DOES NOT DO or DOES NOT say says more to me than any words that could come out of their mouths or actions they may take.  I am not sure why I feel this way, but I know I have for a very, very long time.

There is an old country song, I am not sure who sang it first, but it goes something like this:

“You say it best, when you say nothing at all...”

Or the old John Mayer song:

“Say what you need to say…”

I am pretty sure that sometimes we don’t even know when a person may be hanging on the very words that we do or do not say.  I do know that I hope no matter how harsh my words may or may not be, that no matter what I say and that whoever that person is, doesn't have to wonder.  Because there is nothing worse than wondering what a person is feeling.  NOTHING.  It’s like that phone call that never comes.  Or the text.  Or any damn form of communication. 

Where am I going with this?  Well, right here.  I didn't get a job that I applied for.  A job that would have allowed me to get back “up north.”  I was at peace with whatever happened because that’s just where I happen to be right now…at peace with a lot of things…but you make that announcement and you just know that certain people are going to say the right things…the things you need to hear…the things that come at just the right time…and they are going to mean everything in that moment, because in that moment, that was what you needed most.

And then someone you expected to say something to you about it says nothing.  Nothing at all.  Not an “I’m sorry,” not an “it’s for the best,” not even an “it wasn't meant to be.”  Nothing.  And your first thought is, wow, I shouldn't have expectations and then your next thought is, they are not as thoughtful as you Tiffany, or they don’t work that way…and you get all sorts of twisted up over it, for no damn reason at all and then that makes you mad because you have wasted so much time worrying about it.  And so you start to walk away and bam.  It hits you.  It hits you square in the face that by them saying nothing to you at all?  That it actually speaks volumes about them.

The moral of this story is that I am very used to not getting what I want…I have learned tremendous lessons in want vs. need.  I don’t NEED anything, or anyone.  Yes it would be nice.  But I don’t NEED it.  So I don’t need to waste any more time on someone who talks to me like they are talking to their child or who treats me that way.  Someone who obviously cannot be bothered to say, I am sorry you didn't get this job…

I have spent a tremendous amount of the past year pretty much not feeling worth too much.  Reality is it’s the exact opposite.  I didn't get the job because something better is coming.  I am too old to play games with anyone or anything.  For the first time in a very long time, I am a peace…something really wonderful is coming and I cannot tell you how long it’s been since I have felt this way. 

In the meantime, I guess if there is a possibility that someone needs to hear how you feel, you may want to say it…because you just never know when they may need to hear it in that very moment…and if you don’t say anything at all?  Perhaps that is what they needed to finally realize, that they didn't need that from you anyway.

And that, that? Speaks volumes.