Ice Cream Cones, By The Case Please?

What on earth does this cartoon have to do with the title, well let me tell you.  First of all, I borrowed this from my Facebook friend Christine Powell Johnson, so I want to give credit where credit is due.  Second, I absolutely love the Peanuts.  Snoopy was my favorite.  I mean really.  He had his shit together.  Woodstock took care of most everything for him...Charlie Brown, well, he had issues, but Snoopy stuck by him.  That could be a whole nother blog itself...me psychologically breaking down the Peanut characters...but anyway...I loved this little ditty which brought me to the topic.  Ice Cream Cones.

I have always, always, gotten my ice cream in a dish...I think it is because I don't like sticky hands, but anyway, never been a fan of the cone...ESPECIALLY a waffle cone.  OMG...reeee-dick.  Ok, stay on course here Tiff.

If you know my Mom, you know she has had a long history of health problems.  That again, is another blog...I am certainly not going to run out of things to talk about...but anyway, my mom was very sick, for a very long time.  If you ask Dee Dee she will say she doesn't remember a time when she wasn't.  If you ask Jarod he would probably look at you and cock his head as if he didn't understand the question.  Anyway...she was...without going into great detail, anemic, low on iron, etc.  When your body is missing vital vitamins and minerals a phenomenon occurs called Pica.  Wikipedia, (let it be known now that I LOVE WIKIPEDIA) defines this as a medical disorder characterized by an appetite for substances largely non-nutritive (e.g., metal, clay, coal, sand, dirt, soil, feces, chalk, pens and pencils, paper, batteries, spoons, toothbrushes, soap, mucus, ash, gum, lip balm, tacks and other office supplies, etc.)  WTH right?  And gross...well, thank God mom did not eat any of those things, she did however, eat Ice Cream Cones.  No ice cream, just the cone.  By the 100's.  There would be nights where all I would hear for hours was the crunching (depending on their stage of staleness) of these cones.  She could eat, and this is not made up, a sleeve (oh I don't know 25 in a sleeve?) a night...or two a day depending on the day.  And they had to be Joy brand.  Don't ask me why.  Please, really, don't.

Obviously this bothered me, Dee Dee just let me handle it (ANOTHER BLOG). The Doctor said it was Pica and that she missing some vital mineral or nutrient.  "Okay, well, she weighs 90# and she is inhaling ice cream cones of which have no nutritional value whatsoever at a rate of a case a week.  A case...not a box, a case.  Could we find out what important vitamin or mineral she is missing so we can serve it to her on a plate instead of in a cardboard box?"  "Well, it could be a lot of things, and really this isn't hurting her"...nope Doctor, you are right it is not hurting her...it is only hurting ME.  Not Dee Dee, Dad or Jarod...just me.  Why, because I was the one who was volunteered to pick them up for her.  Not a big deal?  Oh...yes, it is.

Try for me, to go into Hy-Vee or wherever they sell plain ice cream cones and ask for a case of them.  "Not a box of 12...geez are you insane (that was the first time). At the very minimum a box of 24.  And they have them where Ice Cream Cones should be (never the same place every week) and ALSO on the end caps, so make sure you check there as well.  BECAUSE if they don't have them in a case to sell you, buy all the boxes they have.  Please."  First time through a checkout with 20 boxes of cones, the nice young man said,  "having a birthday party?"  "Nope, no sir...I am not."  End of story...Second time through the checkout, with probably that many boxes, the nice young lady says, wow, someone is having a birthday party with lots of cones!  "Nope, no ma'am....just need the cones"...followed by strange looks.  Third and last time I bought them in bulk, it was an older gentleman and he says, "you know, someone was just in here a couple days ago and Ashley said they bought a bunch of cones, like more than she had ever seen...this is really weird...aren't you forgetting the Ice Cream."  "No sir, no I am not.  My mother eats them.  Plain.  In her bed.  With nothing else.  For breakfast, for a snack, for lunch, dinner, whatever...All day, all night with the crunching...I can't take it anymore.  No, I am not forgetting the ice cream sir, but I am about to lose my mind."  I never saw that man again.  And I think from that day forward she ordered them from the Gas station and did get them by the case.

Moral of this story?  Only in a math equation could you buy cases of Ice Cream Cones and no one asks what the hell is wrong with you.