I've always loved this day. Always. It feels like one of those dry erase boards and you get to just wipe all of the past year off. If I were to show you a picture of last years board, it would like like a giant black smudge I imagine. A lot happened. As my friend Nicki said, "it was not the best year, it was not the worst year." I'm definitely ready for a NEW year though.
The usual things need to take place. Lose weight, get more sleep, eat better, etc. but I think the biggest thing that needs to happen is that I stop allowing myself to be treated like a doormat.
Because of my past I don't trust easily. In fact it's extremely rare to believe anything that comes out of someone's mouth. I typically don't believe a person until they can follow through their words with actions. Very few have. So I guess it should make it easier right? To just assume people don't mean what they say? Because I'm planning on them failing with the follow through? The truth is its getting better. Once in awhile though I put myself out there and allow myself to be vulnerable. And not once has it worked. So 2013 is going to bring some changes. It will be harder for me to do this than lose weight.
Starting today I'm not going to be the one who does all the work. This goes for my whole life. There are people who count on me "showing up" but who can't do the same. Well good for them, but I'm not carrying the load anymore. The foundation of all relationships is trust. Respect. One person alone cannot build it. Not if it's supposed to hold more than themselves.
If you want to be a part of my life it's very simple. Show me. If you want my help with something help me back. If you need a friend be one back when I need one. I honestly do not care if you don't like me. It took me twenty odd years to like myself I don't have that kind of time to worry about others.
I guess in summary. Starting today I'm going to treat some of you EXACTLY the way you treat me. And sadly you aren't going to like it. It won't be easy for me because when I make a promise or a statement I follow through. It's going to be hard for me to not do that. To get someone's hopes up and let them down. It's not who I am. But I think it's what I have to do to stop allowing myself to get hurt.
In the meantime you can find me over here polishing my slate. Blank clear canvas. Untouched. No marks. No scribbles. Just a whole new page to a whole new chapter. Waiting to see who wants to be in this years book. And who's capable of showing they mean it.
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