Regrets...

Regrets and mistakes, their memories made…

A read an article the other day, written by a palliative care nurse, who sadly spends most of her days, with people who are literally living their last days on this earth.  When she questioned her patients about any regrets they may have had or things they wished they had done differently, 5 things continuously came up over and over and over again from every one of the individuals.  I highly doubt some of these will surprise you, but I found it interesting that the Top 5 things included nothing about money, fame or fortune.

Here are the most common regrets listed by people who were terminally ill and about to pass.

1.      I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

How incredibly true is this?  I personally decided when I was 24 to be true to myself.  It opened a plethora of doors for me.  Not everyone is capable of doing this though.  I feel incredibly bad for someone who can’t.  A very important relationship in my life ended because this person chose to live the life that was expected of them, not the life that was their true self.  I doubt I will ever know the outcome of that choice for them because the relationship ending was too incredibly painful for us to maintain contact.  I do know that it is a sad and lonely world when you are not being true to yourself though.

2.      I wish I didn’t work so hard.
More men spoke of this regret than women, since typically women for many years were not the “breadwinners.”  Most of them regretted not spending more time with their children and companion and making work take precedence over their lives.  Typically you would see this regret in a workaholic.  I have kind of run the gamut in terms of work and what I mean is that I lived, breathed, ate my work, then I took a break and left work at the office, then I became my own boss and now I am back to leaving things at the office.  My stress level has drastically reduced but I would say I find myself longing for the day that work was a choice and not a necessity.  I suppose for the average person, it will always be a necessity.

3.       I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
Many of the people questioned admitted to suppressing their feelings, mostly to keep the peace with friends and family, etc. but a lot of them developed illnesses related to holding bitterness and resentment inside.  I think we all know that I have no problem expressing myself.  Sometimes I probably do so at the incorrect time, but this is one thing I will not regret.  Ever.  I am pretty confident you know what you are getting with me and I tell you how I feel.  I really feel that people will react differently initially when you speak honestly, but two things are going to happen.  It will raise your relationship to a new and healthier level or it will release the unhealthy relationships from your life.  Either way, it is a win-win situation if you ask me.

4.       I wish I stayed in touch with my friends.
When you get to be my age, you should only be able to count your true friends on 1 hand.  I know that sounds hypocritical coming from me, but I am sure most people know what I mean when I say this.  I have a lot of friends.  I love a lot of people.  I have met a lot of people.  I do need to stay more in touch with my friends.  Life gets away from us.  In their final days most people were ashamed of this issue more so than getting their financial affairs in order.

5.      I wish I had let myself be happier.
Most of them didn’t realize until the end that happiness is a choice.  I probably struggle with this one the most.  I choose to let things and people and places make me unhappy, but ultimately, I am the only one who can choose.  I suck at this.  I really do.  It has been a constant struggle to constantly struggle with this.

I don’t like death in any format, but it is a fact of life.  I guess a part of me is grateful when someone knows what is going to cause this so to speak and they have time to process and get family and friends ready, even though you can never be prepared.  To me it is sort of a blessing when someone is given this time to reevaluate and get their affairs in order, physically, mentally and emotionally.  I guess what surprises me most is how simplistic most of these things are to do.  They are not hard to accomplish and yet so few of us do.

I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship. ~ Louisa May Alcott