Happy Birthday MOMMA!

I could find a million poems about “what a mother is.” The value of a mother.  What makes a mother…and they would all be incredibly cliché and redundant.  So I will just tell you what my mother is to me.

First and foremost she was 50% responsible for creating me, but 100% responsible for getting me out into this world.  How do you thank a person for that?  Although sometimes throughout a person’s life I am sure they think things were easier BEFORE being brought into this cruel world.

I remember when I was little and would get in trouble for whatever reason and she would say, wait until you are mother, then you will know.  I am saddened that I probably will “never know,” but how could either of us know how my life would turn out?

What I remember most about growing up is how much I disappointed her.  It killed me.  It still does.  I don’t think we ever want to disappoint our parents, but we will, probably more times than we can keep track of and it will be painful each time.

I am not sure if she wanted to be a mother, or it was just how things progressed.  I think she was told that she wouldn’t be able to have children after me, but somehow managed to squeeze my brother in there.  I think in that day and time that was what you did.  Got married, had babies, took care of the home.  It would have been interesting to go back and ask is this what you WANT to do or what your Mother WANTS YOU to do.  I know that she spent half of her life trying not to disappoint her own mother.  And those were big shoes to fill.

I have a relationship with my mom that I find common, but I would probably be surprised to find out it isn’t as common as I thought.  My mom is one of my best friends.  She has been since I was very little.  We bonded early because of my poor health.  I guess there is some irony in all the years she had to take care of me, turning around to be all the years I have tried to take care of her.  She is the only mom I will ever have…there is no question to whether I would do that or not.

My mom has a heart bigger than any heart I have ever seen.  She too wears her on her sleeve.  Probably where I learned that it was acceptable to do so.  I have watched her get hurt many times because of it.  We used to make fun of her many moons ago, because if there was a card to be sent to someone, for whatever reason, my mom would send it.  She made peoples day doing this.  She could connect with people in ways most could never imagine.  She knows know stranger.  She has the most welcoming, open arms of anyone I have ever met.  She is full of passion and compassion.  But I think the thing that sticks out the most is her sincerity…you know that my mom is sincere.  You know that she means what she says…that she has no hidden agenda.

The stories I love most to hear are the ones when she used to work at the high school and how many kids’ lives she changed, just because she listened.  She was very empathetic.  She didn’t have to know what was going on at home or at school to know that some kids just needed someone to give a damn.  She has the most beautiful soul, truly. 

If you know my mom, you know that she has battled her own health issues for that past, well; lots of years…I think we are finally getting some answers, FINALLY, but it’s been a struggle for sure.  There are many times that she theoretically should have left this earth.  I guess God wasn’t ready.  She had more to do here on this earth.  I cannot even imagine that day coming because I for one know I will not be able to deal with it. 

She did make me into the woman I am today.  I am proud to say that.  I do not care what others think of her or her actions or anything she has done or become, I love her no matter what.  Although she initially was very hurt and angry at my lifestyle choice, I believe it helped her open her own heart and learn that we are not put on this earth to judge others, someone else much bigger than us all does that.

I have no way to repay you Mom…for all of the things that you have done for me, especially OUTSIDE of the realm of just being my mom.  I pray every single day for your health and happiness as I know no other person on this planet that deserves it more than you.  I admire and respect you more than I do any other human being and I can only hope I am half the daughter you hoped I would be.