What scares you?

With Halloween right around the corner…I decided to write about the Top 5 things that scare me.  I mean really scare me.   I love the scary, horror, thriller movies, but they do not scare me.  Halloween, Friday the 13^th, Nightmare on Elm Street, absolutely love them, but they don’t scare me.  Macabre movies like Saw and Hostel, LOVE EM, but nope, not scary, gross and gruesome yes, but not scary.  I will tell you that some movies that are based on true stories or “actual events,” have had the capacity to scare me.  The 2008 movie “The Strangers” scared me.  Although it was not entirely true, some of the events in the movie were which made it scary.  However, Psycho, Amityville Horror, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Jaws, etc.  Not scary.  And there is probably some argument that any of those are completely true.  

Certain “things” scare me or have scared me I should say.  Interestingly they are things that could’ve happened, or could have been worse.  And they all had something to do with my babies… (Nieces and nephews.)  Actually Brother and Sister have given me a scare as well…Brother when he had a rail drop on his leg and got a blood clot that went to his heart/lungs…that was very scary.  Sister had a stroke at the age of 36.  She hasn’t been right since, but it was very scary that she had one at that age.  Knock on wood they are both fine.

When my Dad had Dalton (who was about 4 years old) on the front of his 4-wheeler and they were going doing a steep hill and it hit a rut, my Dad fell off, leaving Dalton all alone on a rolling 4-wheeler headed straight to the river.  I jumped off of my own 4-wheeler that was still moving and proceeded to roll down the hill myself.  Dalton, who never fell off the 4-wheeler, suffered a cut lip and my Dad some major road rash, but “what could have happened” scared me half to death.  I can’t close my eyes and think about it at all.

Driving Bella to school one day, a woman almost rear-ended us as we were at a complete stop to turn into the parking lot.  At the last second she went into the ditch to our right, how she missed my mirror I do not know, but had she hit us, Bella would have went through the wind-shield.  That gave me chills for days.  Also the time she and her friend were walking home from the park up town when they were approached by creepy men in a creepy van.  This was only a year or two ago.  They took off running to my grandparents’ house, thankfully, but the whole concept is scary. 

I believe Kolbie was in Kindergarten when the bus dropped her off at home, but no one apparently was there to retrieve her.  Something the bus driver shouldn’t have done.  She walked to my parents’ house, which was quite a journey for a tyke at that age, bawling her eyes out.  Scary for a 5 year old but all the things that could’ve happened were far scarier.

Ethan almost cut his finger off in shop class.  It was a bloody mess.  He still has his finger, it will forever be funny looking, but he was a lucky kid that day.

So with all of that being said…these are the things that “scare” me.

Re-Injuring My Back
I refuse to do any activity that requires me to put something on my feet besides my shoes.  I.e., bowling, (not my own shoes), downhill skiing, waterskiing, tubing, etc.)  I will not climb a ladder.  I don’t even like going up stairs very often, which sucks because I live in a basement.  So I have to.  If I want to leave the house.  I will never again slide on a slip and slide, I cannot stand walking on ice…I have a $63,000 back.  I have found nothing in this world I need to do that is worth risking hurting that again.

Not Following My Dreams
I have known what I wanted to do my entire life.  Well, at least when I could start making my own decisions.  And I have done them.  I have gotten into ruts (such as where I am now) for various reasons and I forget, where I want to go and what I want to do and honestly, sometimes, I am not entirely sure where I am headed or what I want to do, but I don’t ever want to lose sight of being or doing what makes me happy.  Sometimes for periods of time you have to settle.  However, I am not a settler and never have been.  I love my freedom and flexibility to fly by the seat of my pants, but contrary to popular belief, there are days that I wish I had a family and children and a home…

Not Having Enough Time with My Soul-Mate
I love people.  All kinds of people.  All colors of people.  Honest to God, to me, love knows no boundaries and no gender.   And I believe we all have a soul-mate, heck maybe we have more than one, who am I to say?  If you ask my sister she will tell you I have a very unorthodox view of life and falling in love, but we are not asking my sister.   I believe in true love.  The kind that withstands the test of time.  I am physically watching my mother experience it right now.  Laughter comes out of her that I have never heard.  My sister really cannot say much on this as she will tell anyone who asks that she is married to her best friend and soul-mate…her grade school, Jr. high school, high school sweetheart.  Is it different for her because she met him eons ago and was fortunate enough to have been able to have spent the last 20 years with him, who knows?  Some people don’t get that kind of time to be with the ones they love.  My cousin Marg waited a very long time to find her soul-mate and cancer took her away before she was truly given the kind of time she deserved to experience it.  No one knows.  The closer I get to 40, the more I feel like I am losing time…

Some Boy Hurting One of Nieces
I have never been worried about Ethan and Dalton, I don’t know why.  It would disturb me profusely if either one of them was mean, acted inappropriately, or whatever to a woman, including their mothers.  If they did I would probably have words with them about it.  I don’t see this happening but if it did, I would probably come unglued. 

Bella and Kolbie?  I am sick to my stomach that Bella is driving.  I am sick to my stomach that she is all of a sudden interested in boys.  I know that she and Kolbie can pretty much hold their own and I don’t think there would be any boy, who would attempt otherwise, but since the Big Bang, boys have certain things on their minds and that never changes no matter how old they get.  I am also petrified of Bella talking on her damn phone or finding that song she wants to hear on her IPod, while driving.  In the blink of an eye, something tragic can happen.  It can happen when you are paying attention so it can certainly happen when you are not.

Last but not least…

I am scared of ever running into the men who were involved with the attack on my Father.
I have a Sammy Sosa baseball bat for the occasion, but it is possible it won’t be with me when I need it.  I believe in Karma.  The problem I have is that I don’t like waiting for it sometimes.  I have been very patient where this was concerned, but I deeply want these men to suffer, something.  They got away with a crime.  The feelings that I had when I came up on that scene are not feelings you ever forget.  Rage for sure.  This is not a forgive and forget situation and I am sorry to anyone who thinks that by holding this grudge I am not being a good Christian or that it is unhealthy.  I don’t dwell on it daily, in fact, I don’t even often think about it, but when I do, a little fire starts up.  I am not scared of getting hurt, I am scared of what I will or will not do if the situation ever presents itself.

So…what scares you?  I asked my sister this question and her first response was spiders…then about 5 seconds later she said, no, first would be out living my children.  Then spiders.