The Shampoo/Conditioner Conspiracy

And there is one.  Walk down that particular aisle in any of your favorite marts, or specialty salon stores and you will be inundated (I LOVE THIS WORD) with choices.  Too many choices.  In my educated opinion it is definitely what is wrong with our country.  Not shampoo and conditioner specifically but, surely you are following along.  There are TOO many choices for everything. 

Chicken for instance.  Would you like the preservative injected cheap package with enough to feed 16 people?  The flash frozen giant chicken breasts in the big package but really only contains 5 pieces of chicken?  Or would you like two oversize chicken breasts that are free-range, given no special medicines to “beef” them up and who were raised on an entirely organic farm for $6 each?  I don’t know why I picked chicken to prove a point, but hopefully you can grasp what I am trying to say.  Choices.  Too many of them.  My mom?  There is only one chicken and it’s Kentucky Fried.  I love that she doesn’t struggle with this like some people (me) I know.  I just know that within the last 10-15 years, organic became a huge industry.  And added a whole entirely new section to the aisles that were perfectly fine the way they are.  And an expensive one at that.

Back to shampoo.  I do not remember the first time I learned about Bath and Body Works, or the first scent I purchased.  It’s possible it came from my Aunt Michelle for Christmas one year because she used to have an entire hall closet full of the stuff, for gifts and such.  Either way, I fell in love with the store.  This may come as a surprise to some, but I really enjoy smelling good.  And I don’t just mean, wow, you smell like you have had a shower.  I mean, wow, what are you wearing, that smells so good.  I enjoy finding the scents that work well with my chemistry.  I know, how girlie of me.  Interestingly enough the scents that smell the best on me vary but tend to lean towards the woodsy, oriental woodsy and fresh scents.

Believe it or not scents fall in to one of 4 categories; Fresh, Floral, Oriental, and Woodsy.  It depends on your body chemistry.  And let’s be honest there are some people who have no business wearing some of the scents they do and when they do they usually bathe in it and you just want to grab them by the hand and take them into Sephora and get them some real help.  Usually you can tell what smells good on you when people say, oh you smell good, what is that?   But sometimes they lie because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.  So it’s best to just go the trouble to figure it out.  And really it’s not much trouble. 

Some examples for those who are really interested now:

Fresh:
Fresh Citrus (lemon, lime, grapefruit, violet), Fresh Green (herby, leafy, leafy scents) and Fresh Water-watery, icy, dewy, oceany.)

Floral:
Jasmine rose, white peony, gardenia, tuberose.  White Floral (from pure white blossoms duh, jasmine, lily, freesia, tuberose, and Soft Floral (white flowers and rose mixtures, iris, vanilla, touches of citrus.)

Oriental:
Woody (soft sandalwood, warm rosewood, patchouli, hint of spice), Floral (orange flowers, vanilla, white pepper, sweet spices), Soft (incense, amber and musk), and Gourmand (edible notes, spices, honey, vanilla, chocolate, amber and cinnamon.)

Woodsy:
Woody Oriental (amber, sandalwood, cedar, leathery, smoky notes), Dry Wood (leather, tobacco, cedar wood, peppery spices, incense), Mossy Wood (smell like a forest, oak moss, deep green scents, earthy scents.)

So there you have it…a lesson in fragrance.  Not that you wanted one or needed one or even care.  But when figuring out what you should wear so the rest of the world enjoys being around you, it is important.

Back to shampoo. 

I do not remember the last time I used shampoo.  It was in the 80’s.  Pert, because for some reason that is what mom always bought.  Why, who knows?  And Dad hasn’t had much hair since I can remember so I don’t think he cared.  But anyway, it was whenever I learned about Bath and Body Works.  And their shower gel.  I wanted my hair to smell exactly like the rest of me.  It made no sense to have all these different odors swimming around.  And it mostly became important when I was an aerobics instructor…50% of my day was spent sweating…I wanted it to smell good. 

So, from that moment on, I used the same gel I used to wash my body.  Interestingly my 3 favorites are Exotic Coconut, Sandalwood Rose and Jasmine Vanilla.  Coconut when I am feeling energetic, Sandalwood Rose when I want to relax and Jasmine Vanilla when I want someone to rip my clothes off.  I am currently out of that one…shocker.

I do not understand the $100 SOME people spend on Shampoo and Conditioner when one bottle does it all.  My hair dresser (which is funny to say because she never dresses my hair) says one bottle does it all only for me, because of my type of hair.  Oh dear God, don’t get me started on that.  There’s a bottle of that stuff for all hair types.  It’s a conspiracy.  To get you to buy more crap.  I say you wouldn’t need all that crap if you stopped putting harsh chemicals in your hair, if you stop using harsh equipment (straighteners, curling irons, etc.) and stopped using harsh shampoos and conditioners. 

Now I know everyone is different I get it.  What works for one, doesn’t work for the other.  I am sorry but Tresemme Hairspray is no different than that $40 bottle of crap you try to sell me at the salon.  It just isn’t.

I can’t believe all the money I have saved on hair care products by consolidating into one gel.  A half a fortune at least. 

The real problem lies in when I use a certain gel and then use a different lotion after my shower.  It rocks my world.  OCD yes…but I don’t need to overload my senses.  I also think you should shower before bed at night.  Your sheets last longer and they will smell good too.