Not my favorite Holiday...

I am thankful, for a lot of things.  And when it gets closer to Thanksgiving I will tell you all of those things that I am thankful for.  But for now, I will simply tell you why Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday.

It is not because I hate Turkey, I love Turkey.  It is not because I don’t like tryptophan, because seriously there are foods you eat every day that have way more in it than turkey.  Cheddar cheese, parmesan cheese, egg whites…It is not because I have any issue with the standard meal prepared at Thanksgiving.  I enjoy all of it.  Turkey, stuffing, cranberries, mashed potatoes, (there is never green bean casserole at mine, which is totally bogus, and I know it will be said that I can bring some if I want it that bad,) macaroni and corn casserole, or homemade mac & cheese, carrot casserole, rolls, sweet potatoes (yuck,) Pecan or Pumpkin pies (yuck.)  It has nothing at all to do with the food.  Although I will say I think we eat it way too fast. 

It is not because I hate that after dinner we all sit around and flounder on the floor while going around the room and telling the rest of the family what we are Thankful for this past year.   That is nice.  But really we are all pretty much Thankful for the same thing…to be together.

It is not because I have an aversion to holidays in November or anything else of the sort.  But there are two reasons I dislike Thanksgiving.

My Grandma Rosie was quite possibly at one point, the very glue that held my mom’s side of the family together, at least physically.  At the very minimum she forced us to be together at least once a week especially after her cancer returned.  It became ritual to spend our Sundays there.  We do not do that now with my Grandpa, which is sad, but cancer makes a family more aware of all of your time, that is for sure.  To put it mildly, you would be at Grandmas on Sunday or just don’t bother.  It may have been a Saturday occasionally; sadly I cannot really remember what day, the point being that we were together.

Grandma was not supposed to die.  Ever.  But she did.  The last Thanksgiving I can remember with Grandma was simply the worst Thanksgiving ever.  She had trouble eating and her brain was also struggling to convey important messages to her body, like when she was full.  It is a memory I will not forget.  Yes, we have had wonderful Thanksgivings since and been very fortunate that we are all still attending them.  But that memory will probably always be ingrained in my head and present during all of our Thanksgivings to come. 

The next reason is simple.  For almost 40 years I have attended them alone.  Meaning I have never in my life, shared my family Thanksgiving with any other human being.  I know God has a plan and all but it is incredibly sad to me.  I guess the older I get the harder this is for me.  Perhaps someday when we go around the room I can finally say, this year, I am Thankful for having my own family.