The definition of reality; the quality or state of being actually true, real. A real thing. Facts. Does that mean reality is the truth? It appears to be so. Reality changes for all of us, sometimes daily. To me, most of our reality is that we get up, we go to work, we take care of kids, we plan events, and we eat, sleep and drink to survive. Not all of our realities are the same obviously.
When I posted this question, I immediately thought of an
email I wrote when my cousin Molly (CLICK HERE for her story) was battling a
brain tumor. Even though the title of
the email was defining normal, the gist of it was that what may be normal for you
is not normal for everyone else. I have included that email below:
Ask yourself how you define normal...and I will tell you about "Molly's normal". She is still home...still fighting. Molly's day consists of getting fed on regular increments, staggered doses of a variety of medicines including a 3 hour dose of antibiotics, I think 2 times a day. 2 times a day (and it could be more) a little back pack gets hooked into Molly's central line and she receives the strongest antibiotic out there, in a 3 hour treatment. It is so strong that the first time they gave it to her, she got sick and still gets sick a little after each dose. This is for the staph infection, which at the last evaluation still hadn't grown! Good news for Molly! Hopefully, they caught it early enough that it is under control. The shunts still appear to be working great, no leaking! Tonight she was alert, a little uncomfortable and very hungry! I got to personally feed her 3 oz's tonight, which was the most she has eaten in a long time. By the time we left, she wanted to lay in her bed and listen to her mobile...she was so content. Her little arms and legs were moving and if it wasn't for the shunts, she would "look" like your "normal" little infant. Delaney flitters in and out to plant kisses on Molly's head and sing to her. We pray that Molly is home to stay. Normal...to me is sleeping in as late as I can...hustling to get ready for work...putting my 8 hours in...hoping nobody upsets me at work...going home...etc. Brad and Michelle have a new life...a change to their balance...Not many people know, but about every 2 hours Molly has to get fed and get meds. And I mean every 2 hours, during a 24 period of time. These 2 people have recognized when time has passed and it's time for Molly's care. They know by the sound of her cry if she is in pain, uncomfortable, hungry or just plain mad. And no one deserves to be mad more than this little girl. The O'Briens have a different defined normal than most you and I. When you watch them, it's like watching a well oiled machine...in order for something to work right, it has to be taken care of and maintained...and though Molly's maintenance would appear to be awfully hard for the average family, Brad, Michelle and Delaney have adapted beautifully. I have never seen a more graceful approach to what life has dealt someone. I believe in my heart that they realize they have the easiest part...it's Molly who has to do the hard work. Her determination alone makes their lack of sleep and "normalcy" so much easier to deal with. No, Molly isn't normal...by any sense of the word. Molly is a miracle. Molly has brought a family closer together and touched the lives of hundreds of people across thousands of miles. She has confused and astounded some of the worlds best doctors. She has brought prayer and faith into people's lives who didn't even know they may have been missing it. Thank you Molly...for all the things you have taught us and for all the things we wait eagerly to learn. We love you...
Our
realities are vastly different, all of us.
So when you think your reality bites, take a good look at someone else’s
and maybe, just maybe it won’t seem so bad.
My cousin Jett is fighting Leukemia. When I read his CaringBridge posts about what
they (his family’s) reality is, I am usually speechless. Tests, and meds, and more tests and watching levels
and chemo and wearing masks and so on.
Hmmm, my reality isn’t so bad after all.
I cannot wrap my hands around it.
My friend’s daughter Mariah, is fighting a not so common
form of epilepsy. Their reality is
similar to Jett’s. Tests and tubes and
meds that are toxic and seizures that don’t stop. She eats through a tube. This doesn’t just change her life; it changes
everyone's around her who cares for her.
My friend Kim, just recently lost her son and
then in a freak accident lost her sister.
She hasn’t even had time to absorb the first loss. Her reality is walking around not knowing
when the next shoe is going to fall and what it might consist of.
My uncle is in a hospital bed out in Montana, far from his
family, fighting a very severe leg infection while merely trying to get a hip
replaced. He won’t be walking anytime in
the near future. His reality is that it
could be months before he ever walks on two feet again.
My point is that for the most part, reality is merely what
we have to deal with on a day to day basis.
What we have to do to survive. For
some, survival is a helluva lot harder than others.
I think we all struggle, in different ways. My job on this earth is not to decide if your
struggle is harder than mine. My job is
to acknowledge that you have them too…and respect them. My own personal reality? I am almost 40, and I live with my Dad. I do so, so that I may be debt free soon and
let’s be honest, he is in the big house all alone, he doesn’t need all that
space. I am not in the shape I want to
be physically, and I know what it will require to fix that. I have a good job, but I don’t have insurance
benefits. I have a great group of
friends. I have rheumatoid
arthritis. I have a dog with epilepsy. I live within a stone’s throw of my siblings
and their kids. My parents are still
alive and all but one Grandparent. I am
blessed. I am fortunate.
My reality isn’t so bad.
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