Drinking Problem

So we all know that Dee Dee, my sister has a drinking problem.  Has for years.  We have had her in and out of rehab several times but to no avail.  Mom and Dad gave up on her years ago.  I tried to get the kids, but she kept getting out just in time to stop that process. 

Now that is some funny stuff!  NOT TRUE, not one ounce of it. 

However, she was the first person to give me my first beer though.  My first kegger!!  Was finally going to be one of the cool kids!  Tonya Braten tattled on us though when her father took her to our house and she proceeded to tell my parents we were out in some corn field drinking.  Tonya then hurled all over our side walk. 

Cops weren’t called but parents were and luckily from our location, you could see cars coming for a mile… which is great except that we were literally at the edge of a corn field and right next to it, the river.  So your two options were not real great.  All I remember is her telling me to run.

Some time when you have nothing better to do, go to a corn field, at night and start running through it.  You may as well be blindfolded.  You will get terribly lost.  When in actuality you probably are just running in a big circle.  I really don’t recall how we found one another or how we wound up at Steve Parkers house above the laundry mat, but Dad eventually found us and I think Sisters boyfriend got in more trouble than either one of us.  I told them I only had one, I am not sure if they believed me or not, but I sure as hell couldn’t hold my head up, so I am guessing they weren’t that stupid.

Back to Dee Dee’s drinking problem.  She told me to tell stories that would make people laugh.  Okay, well I guess I will tell all the funny stories I know about her. 

I do not recall how old the kids were, Ethan and Bella, but old enough to know how to use the phone.  Usually to call my mom to tell her that THEIR mom was abusing them.  They were still little.  5 and 7ish I think, but anyway. 

One night Dee Dee was trying to make herself a Margarita.  The blender stopped working.  The kids were in the living room watching TV.  Or so she thought.  Apparently she proceeded to say some words and get upset at which point they asked her what was wrong.  She replied with something to the effect of she was having trouble making her drink, the blender broke, their Dad wasn’t home to help her, etc. 

A few minutes pass and she hears Ethan on the phone.  “Hello, my name is Ethan David Boyer, and my mom has a drinking problem.”  Dee Dee, thinking they had called my mom again, doesn’t initially stop him.  “Yes ma’am she can’t make her drink, her blender broke and my Dad isn’t here to fix it.”  “Ethan David who in the hell are you talking to?” “Yes ma’am she is now yelling at me.”  Again, “Ethan who are you talking to?”  “I called the 800 NEED HELP lady because her commercial said if you or someone you loved was having a drinking problem you should call this number.”   CLICK…

My phone rings.  “I am going to jail.”  “Uh, why,” I reply?  “Because if the police aren’t already on their way, I may have to spank these children.”  She proceeded to tell me the story and I almost peed my pants.  They were very bright children, but I didn’t realize they were that bright!!!

Thus the beginning of my sisters drinking problem.   For those who are concerned, no worries, she has a perfectly working blender right now.  Pretty sure she has from that day forward.