I'm blown away by your ability to show up...

“I want you guys to take a good look at yourselves and feel proud. We made it here. We're here. What I've learned from you is that really one of the most important things in life is showing up. I'm blown away by your ability to 

show up through everything that's gone on. The league never wanted you to play this game, but you showed up.”

This is a line from one of me, Ethan and Bella's favorite movies of all times, Hardball, with Keanu Reeves.  The story is about a guy down on his luck that is forced to coach an inner city little league baseball team in Chicago.  That is irrelevant to my post really, but its true meaning never hit me until this weekend.  I have used it for years, especially where relationships were concerned.  Because I don’t think people understand it.  It doesn't mean show up at the right time, or be present at a certain event or location.  It is much deeper than that.  TO ME, because this is strictly my opinion, it means this:

The odds were against you.  You showed up.  No one else would stand beside me. You showed up.  No one wanted you here.  You showed up.  I am in a sad and lonely place.  You showed up.  I could go on and on and on, because by now you know I really can.  Hopefully you are getting my point.  Anyway, this is how it pertained to me…this is how it affected my life…and at the beginning of any relationship I would ask them, do you know what it means to show up?  Obviously, no one has so far.

Why did it change this weekend?  DISCLAIMER: I am about to toot horns and stand on a soap box.  If you don’t want to hear it I suggest you stop reading now.

My nephew Ethan David Boyer and niece Isabella Marie Boyer have been showing livestock for the last 8 years.  This is what I know about it.  First why the hell do you show cows and pigs?  That seems silly.  Not near as silly as rabbits, goats, etc.  This just blew my mind.  You join 4-H, you attend meetings, you have wiener roasts, you do chores a zillion times a day, you wash this, blow that, feed this, walk that, bottle feed, run for feed, blah blah blah.  You serve food at the Fulton County Fair.

When I was little Dad had livestock, but I don’t really remember much about them, I can assure you they weren’t for show…but were definitely someone’s bacon.  My point is I grew up on a farm, but when they started this project 8 years ago, I had no idea the magnitude of it, not a clue.  Sister had asked me to attend a show several times.  Uh no thanks…cow poop, barns, not my thing?  When I moved home in 2002, it was shortly after that that they were attending the Kentucky Beef Expo.  I was invited, this time I went, thinking ROADTRIP!!  Well, it forever changed my opinion about cattle shows and showing livestock in general.  I was a nervous wreck when they were out there.  Not as bad as their parents, but a mess.  It’s a sport, like any other sport, with judges and rules.  And it also is full of a lot of politics.  And some days you get good referees and some days you get crappy ones.  I had a blast…needless to say I saw what all of their hard work and dedication lead to and it made more sense.  I still thought they were nuts but it made sense. And they were so little…here was this ginormous animal being pulled around a ring by little people who could barely come up to the top of the cows head.  Anyway, I would go on to attend several shows…Beef Expos, Fairs, etc.

Three years ago they added pigs to the mix. I didn’t know the difference between a gilt and a barrow, Landrace, Spot, York, Duroc, etc. You get it.  Still don’t really.  But I know how to show up and support the kids. 

I have never scooped poop, or walked a cow or pig, or all of the stuff that it takes to do this showing.  I have picked up feed.  But I don’t think that played too heavily in their success.

Truth is the kids have been very successful throughout the past 8 years.  They have won many awards and many fairs and to be honest, contrary to popular belief, are not well liked in some circles. Blows my mind, but the more you know about the “politics of showing”, the more you understand why.  STILL…these kids spent countless hours with these animals, countless hours of blood, sweat and tears, all for one goal.  Get to the State Fair.  And once there, win it.  The Gold Medal if you were an Olympian, the World Series if you were a Baseball player…you understand.  And they have been trying for 8 years. 

Throughout the years, sitting in the stands, I heard a lot of scuttle butt about who would be judging and who had whom in the judges pocket and so and so paid more for their steer, so he will win, or it was bought from so and so…and I thought, this is bogus…no child should be rewarded for their parents having more money than the next couple.  You mean to tell me these kids are not judged on their showmanship and how well they have done with the animals all year?  Yes, that is what I mean to tell you.  They aren’t.  In 2008 or 2009 Ethan was DQ’d for “toweling out at the entrance gate.”   Which means he had black paint on the cow.  Black paint that was never put on by Ethan or any of the guys helping.  Where did it come from?  Who knows?  I just remember the tears in his eyes and how deflated it made him.

This year it was brought to my attention that the pig judge was very nicely asked and most likely monetarily encouraged,  to put Bella’s pigs “out of the drive.”    Meaning out of the top two spots.  Although he agreed after the show the she exhibited the best pig in that class.  Do I believe this, who knows?  Who would do such a thing? Who knows? Why put your kids through all of this, if at the end of the day they have no control over it to begin with?  How as a parent do you sleep with yourself at night if you are the one asking for this to happen or if you are the parent trying to explain to your child, you really did have the better pig but someone had different ideas?  I have no flipping clue, which is why I am not a parent; I can’t handle their heart ache. 

My heart broke again this year as they were both placed further down in their classes than we all felt they should have been.  Watching Ethan show for his last time, as he was waiting for the judge to make his decision, you could see his hand shaking and it sent chills down your spine just knowing what he must be going through.  If you asked Ethan and Bella they will tell you it was all worth it because they met many friends, who became like family.  They will tell you they learned the value of hard work and earning your way in the world.  And if you have never met these two kids, that is too bad, because they are two of the kindest, most polite kids you are ever going to meet.  They were raised to be so.  They were also raised to push and push hard.  To win.  To be the best no matter what.  Their motto?  If you aren’t first, you are last.  Well I am sorry guys, but that isn’t what it is about. 

Dee Dee told me that before I got there Saturday a kid with Downs Syndrome showed a cow…I think he placed third she said and he told the judge that he worked really hard, that was all, they just worked as hard as they could with the animal.   And it was heart wrenching but awesome to see.  And if nothing else it should put so much into perspective.  We put too much emphasis on PLACING these kids…First, Second, Third…isn’t it enough that they showed up?  Isn’t it enough that they spent all these months, sometimes in sweltering heat, just chasing the dream?  A dream that is sometimes completely out of their hands?  How do you teach a child that?  You don’t.  You teach them to “show up.” 

Ethan and Bella, I couldn’t be more proud of you for “showing up.”  No, it was not the outcome that you wanted, but damnit, you showed up.  When you are my age, you will realize how important it is to do just that. 

I love you both, very much.