I personally do not listen to a lot of Christian music. I love all kinds of music, don’t get me wrong. When I am sad, I listen to songs that make me cry. When I am happy, I can’t stop my feet. When I am cooking I like Classical. Interestingly enough I also like Classical at work when I am doing the hardest part of my job which is material extensions. I won’t bore you with that, but when I need to concentrate, I need classical music. That may surprise some of you, but it is the truth. I have over 3000 songs on my IPod and some day, I swear I am just going to hit shuffle and let it roll. Most times I skip over the songs until I find the one that suits my mood.
Anyway, I will listen to music, all kinds; it just depends on the situation. I personally have an incredible need to have music in my life. There is always a song that pertains to what you are going through. I remember the first time I was on Beale Street in Memphis…my parents had to keep coming inside the bars to get me out as I was drawn to those dark ones with the little jazz ensemble in the back, busting out some blues. I was in 8th grade, but it should have given them a clue I think, that eventually I would end up in a bar.
One of my favorite lines of a Pop song that refers to the direction I am taking this post is from a band called The Fray. The song is called “You Found Me.” If you have ever heard it and you know me, you will see that it has applied to my life at some point. Anyway, at some point during one of my rock bottom moments, Sister was begging me to go back to Church and Mom said I needed to find God. I replied; “I found God, on the corner of 1st and Amistad.” It’s the first line of the song. He goes on to ask God where’ve you been, I have been calling and calling you.
I have not faithfully attended Church since 1997. The year my Grandma passed away. I was very, very angry. She went to Church 7 days a week. She prayed at his altar 7 days a week. And he still took her. Maybe that is what she was asking for all along, I have no idea. I was born and raised Catholic. Raised to believe that if you confess your sins and lead a good healthy life, God would take care of you. Well, at the time it didn’t make sense to me. Hadn’t Grandma done that?
Several years later and I mean several, after I moved back to Illinois, we, as in our family started attending the Methodist Church up town. For reasons I am not sure, my mother also quit going to the Catholic Church. Her family didn’t necessarily agree, but were content that we were going to some church. I personally, still did not attend this regularly. My family tried, but it was a personal choice and they let it be just that.
When my parents began their divorce, one of my Uncles said that we were going through this because we as a family didn’t attend church regularly together. According to the Bible, I am going to hell because of my lifestyle, so I sure as hell didn’t believe that my parent’s divorce, (who needed to get divorced 20 years before they did,) had anything to do with not going to Church as a family. Ironically, my father now goes every week, when the entire time we were growing up the only Mass he attended was at Christmas.
Prior to Grandma dying, when the family found out about my lifestyle, it was extremely difficult. My Aunts and Uncles asked how I could do this to Grandma, let alone my own mother. My mother threw a Bible at me. Telling me to read the passages that would confirm I was going to hell. I couldn’t wrap my hands around why I was being asked to believe in a God that would punish me for loving someone. Regardless of what that person did or did not have between their legs.
Anyway, I sure as heck was not going to sit in a Church full of people who thought I was going to hell. So I stopped going. And I found God everywhere. You wouldn’t believe the places I found him.
He was in my Grandmas room the night she died, when one tear went down her cheek before she took her last breath.
He was in the room with us when Molly died, right when she opened her eyes and looked at us all one more time.
He floats along a lake in northern Minnesota, when you just sit and listen. You can actually feel him wrap his arms around you.
I found him the day a car almost rear-ended me with my niece in the front seat. Had it happened, it would have thrown her through the windshield, possibly killing her.
He was there the day I broke my back and just barely got my face out of the water before I drown.
He is there at night when I say my prayers.
He was there the first time I saw my Mother smile, genuinely smile, in 9 years.
He travels with my brother as he personally travels across this country for work.
When I am alone at the River, he is there, in the breeze.
I could go on, but the point is, I find him where I need him. He is in the sunsets and sunrises. He is in children’s laughter. Some people find him in Church. I have nothing against people that need “that form of togetherness.” If I have nothing against you for going to Church, a person should have nothing against me for not going. I was not put on this earth to judge people. That I know for sure.
I have read many Bible passages. I am not going to print them here and ramble continuously on about what they mean. I didn’t write them. I sure as heck am not their ambassador of meaning and neither is anyone else for that matter. You choose to follow what you believe and no one should condemn you for that. Whether you believe in Allah, Budda, God, Jehovah…etc. God is God, by any God given name. What the Bible means to me, what Jesus means to me, what God means to me all boils down to what many will argue is the REAL purpose of the Bible.
The Bible is the story of God's love for the world and the people of the world. It tells the history of God's love at work rescuing, renewing, and empowering humankind. It was never intended to be a book about human sexuality.
A young Jewish scholar asked Jesus, “What is the greatest commandment? Quoting the prophets, Jesus replied, “The great commandment is this…to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and the second command is like it, to love your neighbor as you love yourself.” “This is my commandment,” Jesus said, “that you love one another, as I have loved you.”
I believe in God. I treat others as I want to be treated. I believe I can find God wherever and whenever and however I open my heart up to receive him. He may be at the corner of 1st and Amistad.
If I had the chance to talk to him, my first question would not be am I going to hell because of who I chose to love? I would ask him why on Earth he created all of this beauty just to let us destroy it and ourselves. Maybe you think that is a dumb question. We are all entitled to ask whatever we want, but that would be my question.
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